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female
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anonymous
writes: My mom once walked in on me giving my boyfriend oral sex. My boyfriend and I are 16 and we have been dating for 11 months. My parents weren't as mad that I was giving him oral sex as they were that I was doing it in their house and they didnt want to "harbor that kind of behavior". We've had sex, but not since August of 2005. I'm 16 years old and I think that is a good age to be able to make the decision of whether or not you are ready for sex. I'm so paranoid to do anything sexual with my boyfriend now. It's really depressing actually because I liked being so close to my boyfriend and it sucks that we can't be anymore. What should I do? I don't want to talk to her because I think seeing me give my boyfriend head was enough of a disturbance, let alone having to worry about me and my boyfriend having sex and getting pregnant. But I'm so depressed. Plus all the feelings of embarrassment and shame are coming back in my dreams because I'm so confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): Your Mother and Father's home is a place of family love, values and a sanctuary for all whole family, which includes you. Obviously they uphold high standards of what is to occur in their home. She may not seem upset that you were giving you bf a blowjob..but she did resent it. By telling you "they don't harbor that type of behaviour" is likely her way of saying.."I don't like what you are doing right under our noses...it's disrespectful" I think you know this because your mother is disturbed because she is watching her daughter make poor choices with sexuality, that can and will affect the rest of your life. Your Mother is wise, but she also hurt that you did this in the home and she sees you experimenting with sex that she knows..could have detrimental affects on your future. I think knowing your parents are disappointed in you is where your feelings of embarrassment and shame are coming from. This shows you have a conscience perhaps and you made a big error in judgement. I think it is time to sit down with her, take a deep breath and tell her how sorry you are and how badly you need her to help you understand what she's thinking.. You need to pull your relationship together with your Mom. Boyfriend's will likely come and go in your life..but you have Mom for a lifetime. Keep the family love and respect in mind and please..no more sex Mom and Dad's home. Take care dear
Hugs, Irish
A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (25 January 2006):
 I agree with you that 16 years old is a fine age to be able to decide for yourself if you are ready for sex. It is too bad that your parents see a natural and (with proper precautions) harmless activity as "that kind of behavior".I think their reaction (that they didn't want you doing that kind of thing in their house) is silly. Would they prefer that you did it in a car, in the back corner of the library, or in a bathroom at school! Anyway, even though I think it is silly, I suppose you do need to show some consideration for your parents' wishes. Their reaction could have been much worse.On the other hand, you should not have to suffer depression, embarrassment, and shame over what you were doing. Perhaps ease back into your activities slowly, and pay a little more attention to your "privacy" when you do so.
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A
female
reader, Carrie-Lucie +, writes (25 January 2006):
you need to calm down and talk to your mum... have you tried that? she's probably just shocked that her "little girl" has grown up - parents never expect this of their children :) if you and your boyfriend truly ARE ready to have sexual contact again, then take it slowly. start from the beginning again and work your way into it gently. talk with him about your feelings, you seem pretty stable to have been going out for 11 months at your age. maybe when you are ready try going somewhere where you arent worried your parents will be... good luck, these feelings of embarresment are normal and you need to take it slow until you feel more confident. xxx
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