A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I have kissed three guys. The first was just a kiss at the end of a date but the last two guys I made out with. I am scared though becasue I don't know how to do anything else. Is something wrong with me because I am scared to get undressed in front of a guy and am terrified of doing say a blow job?? I want to do these things but then become petrified. I feel like something is wrong with me...all my friends are doing it...im a senior now so I am terrified that I am a freak with something wrong. Please help! thanx
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female
reader, stauffera91 +, writes (1 July 2008):
 okay this is coming from a girl who was scared shitless just to make out. First of all if your a freak then everyone else must be too because we all get equally scared. Once you do, do other stuff you will feel dumb for even getting nervous. Its honestly not a big deal whatso ever! even though all your friends may be doing it dont do something that you will regret. i did everything possible by age 15 and now i regret it... i wish i would of waited now it is no fun!!... just relax and if you feel comfortable then do it... and once you do its nothing .. its just like kissing!
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Its nice to hear you are a bit afraid of things like blow jobs and undressing in front of guys etc. I find this trend of lots and lots of oral sex before real sex very distrubing. Yes Im nearly 40 but am not a prude and have had a varied and intersting sex life over the years and done things I wouldnt tell my mother about!
My generation of friends didnt do oral sex until you were in a committed long term relationship and it came a long time after sex itself. After my first marriage broke up I had a few one night stands but oral sex was not on the menu, to me its something you only do with someone you really love.
So enjoy the fact that you are still not ready to do these things. Wait until you are in a loving relationship with a guy who really cares for you and you will find these things can be explored together and you will become more confident about yourself. Well done x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): This is completely normal, and I felt exactly the same way until recently, I still get little glimmers of being scared to try things. I didn't have my first proper kiss until this time last year and I'm 18 now, for the same reasons you describe, I wanted to but I was just too scared I would get it wrong (this goes for sexual things too). It's very frustrating isn't it? My advice is based on experience, when you are with the right person and it's the right time it won't be petrifying. Trust me. You might be a bit nervous but it will feel right and you will feel ready. In the mean time, if you get close with someone and you don't feel ready to do anything or you feel scared, TELL THEM. Tell them you are a bit shy about things like that and that you like to take things slowly. Then you are in control, and you know that the boy who waits without pressuring you is the right boy and that is your key to 'the right time'. It sounds like a cliched answer, "Wait for Mr Right and everything will just happen" and I know that when I felt the way you do now I wouldn't have listened but it really does happen like that. I used to feel like a freak but now I'm so glad I didn't push myself into it. I know that if I'd done anything when I felt terrified like that it would have been the biggest mistake I ever made. Be patient and wait for the guy who understands you and is prepared to wait until you are comfortable, meanwhile you can have fun with guys without going too far. Good luck love!
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 this is completely normal and dont worry if your friends have done it - it doesnt mean you have to if your not ready. when you meet the right guy you will want to try new things with him so dont worry. however, if you do wanna learn more about sexual activity and blow jobs etc, check out sexinfo101.com - this website has pages of info for sex, oral, anal, toys, masturbation etc. if your curious about your own body, try exploring yourself alone, learn about wat you like, how it feels etc. good luck
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Lighten up on yourself! Don't feel you have to do something just because other people are doing it. When you have sex (oral or otherwise) be sure it's because you feel a deep commitment to your partner and truly want them as an individual. You're worth more than just giving yourself away on a casual fling.
There's nothing wrong with you. Fear can be defined as a reaction that we have when we are not sure of our ability to cope with a given situation. That covers it pretty well, doesn't it? You're scared of doing something the wrong way or of not measuring up?
Stop worrying about sex for its own sake. Concentrate on finding a guy who really likes you FOR YOU, not just someone who wants your body. Relax. When you really get to know your guy and really get to feel comfortable around him, showing him more of your body will not feel so scary at all. And getting to know his body will appeal more and more to you, too. Then you'll really be ready to do whatever comes naturally. If you're lucky you'll come to love a guy who has a little more experience and can show you the way with a bit of confidence. But even if he's just an much a beginner as you are and you both make mistakes in the beginning, DON'T WORRY. You'll learn and you'll grow, together. But make sure that you're really right for one another before you get into it. You'll know when it feels right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): You're not a freak and you really shouldn't care if you're friends are doing it or not. Just because you don't do it it makes you a rejected person.
The only reason why you're scared is because you're not ready. Don't try to rush things in your life like most girls in this time do. I'm pretty sure you will find that one guy who will make you feel comfortable and I assure you that when you meet him you will be eager to try experiment yourself sexually.
Just give it time and keep on looking for that person.
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