A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me and his response was really different. He kept saying i cannot believe you do not trust me. He was defensive and after a while my gut told me this is true .. He said that if it was when we were younger when we were dating why did it matter? Well we were not just dating we were living together.He said things like even if i did i would tell you now,because we were so young. He was very strong about saying "no" .. but why would he become so defensive and walk away. Would it just be because he thinks i don't trust him?.. that is what he is saying.. a little history is we have been together 15 years. I just asked him because i was just feeling it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): I had a lot of experience with my boyfriends cheating on me and I understand how your feeling TRUST ME! I am married now and i actually have asked my husband more than once if he's cheated on me and of course his response is always "no" and anger but trust me when i say this, if he has cheated on you in the past you would have found out by now because nobody can get away with cheating and i can promise you that. I know this doesnt help very much but try to just let it go. hope i helped
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 September 2008):
Well if you are just looking for an excuse to justify dumping him then STOP IT!
You don't need an excuse to make it his fault.
Just own up and say you aren't happy and want to move on. Yes you will hurt him and the break up will be your fault. But tough, that's life.
You can't always be the good guy. Do your own dirty work.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 I think that Uncle Phil and emilysanswers had the right idea. Men are extremely defensive when there word is questioned. You will find that men will say that their word is there bond, and they often make verbal agreements that they will follow through on because they have "given their word". To question their loyalty is like cutting to the quick for a man, and they feel gutted. To you, it was a "less-than-casual" loaded question, to him, you were doubting his integrity as a man. He's faithful and loyal, and his defensive reaction was out of anger, not guilt.
I'm sure that if he had cheated or was cheating, you would have many other suspicious clues that would have led you to question far before this, right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all, Yes i just am not sure why i want this question answered. I am not sure if i am happy with him and looking for anything to move on..
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A
female
reader, Karen_62385 +, writes (17 September 2008):
You only asked because you assumed? But people do say if you feel it in your gut, more then likely its true. If he can't be civil and answer a question then maybe you need to step back and take a look at the whole picture. What made you ask him that type of question?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): LOOK if he did cheat on you years ago but decided he loves you, stopped cheating and wants to be with you then why press the matter. If he says YES will you feel better!? Not sure what you are hoping to achieve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): Why guestion him? Something happen that makes you feel insecure?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): What makes you question him? Obviously something doesn't feel right to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): Why would he become so defensive and walk away? Because he probably couldn't believe you asked him such a question if he's been a faithful husband. How would you react if he asked you the same thing?
It takes a little more than a simple gut feeling to get suspicious - especially as (I assume) you're talking about what might have happened many years ago. I'm guessing there's more to this than you're letting on.
You can only take him at his word if he says he hasn't, short of taking a lie detector test or catching him at it.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (17 September 2008):
 men will NEVER EVER EVER NEVER admit that they cheated. Even if you caught the girl in bed they will swear up and down they didn't do anything. So good luck getting the truth out of them. The only thing we can go by is our instinct because it gives us clues based on their actions.
You will never know the truth unless some hard core evidence but after 15 years together, being defensive, I have a feeling he wasn't an angel either.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 September 2008):
So you have been together since school?
Well would it matter if he kissed some other school girl behind your back when you were 16?
Plus of course he is going to be defensive! If my husband asked me that then I would be hurt and defensive because it is a horrible thing to be accused of.
There is no way of telling what has happened in the past. A psychic feeling on your part is not enough to cause a break up over.
Good Luck!! xx
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