A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I asked my girlfriend not to talk to someone i dislike. she told me she wasnt talking to him, and never would. I believed her. However i found out that she had actually spoken to him, i feel betrayed and upset. I really love her, but am i in the wrong for stopping her talking to this person, or is she in the wrong for going behind my back? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): I'm not going to address whether or not you are being controlling here, since you may have extremely good reasons for not wanting her to talk to this person. But her lying about talking to him is wrong. No question about that. And you shouldn't shrug off her lying to you.
Think about if she had asked the same of you. Why would you lie to her and say you're not talking to someone when you really are? A lot of times putting yourself in the other person's shoes can reveal their intentions/thoughts. Good luck!
A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 It's a very controlling thing to tell someone else who they can or can not talk to. If the only reason you asked her not to talk to this person is that you feel jealous, then that isn't a good enough reason. You need to find a way to feel secure anod not give into your jealous feelings. No healthy relationship is based on mistrust.
If you had another reason for asking her not to talk to this person (he's dangerous, he isn't nice etc) then you can ask her to be careful when engaging with this person and tell her why you are concerned, but you still have to leave it up to her to talk with this person.
The only way you would have a right to be upset is if she made an agreement with you not to interact or talk with this individual. But that should never be something you ask of her, she should make the decision herself. She should have freedom to do things she wishes unless you two have made an agreement otherwise.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2009):
 I believe you are worng in trying to tell her WHOM she can talk to and whom she can't.
She was wrong for lying.
Not sure if that makes you EVEN...
You two need to talk more honestly and openly.
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