A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was discussing with a dear friend why his relationship is not going to the next level. He is not having sex with his girlfriend. we were sitting together and i asked him what would he do if i offer to sleep with him. He said, if u are serious i am in.when we finished our lunch with some friends, he asked me again if i was serious about my proposal, i said yes and he said he will call me.(i had to leave)Knowing that i like the guy but i also know his GF, and i also enjoy our company and talks a lot. was it stupid to joke about it? what should i do if calls me for it? i don't want to lose him and also i am attracted to him big time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 If you mean about the OP's situation... you just said it ( and I think you are right . Also about not taking it badly if it does not work out. You win some,you lose some )
If you mean in general...what are you thinking right now....about women maybe? :) But there are some peculiar,bizarre,esoterical,out-of-this-galaxy minds who defy even the mystical powers of my crystal ball...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat am i suppose to do call him and tell him that i like him too much and he outta make a choice
i didnt know what to say in the morning nor did he. we just had a coffee and he drove me back home.
i don't know if i should message him or even try to meet him again to sort things up.
waiting is all i thought of
in this case help please!!!!
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 You showed up, had sex, then talked normally like nothing happened and left without leaving him with any expectations of a relationship. Now you're even backing off and giving him space as he goes back to his girlfriend. I don't know how much clearer you can show him that you just want to be his FWB on the side.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 July 2010):
It seems Madame Cindycares and her magical crystal ball had accurately foreseen the outcome of the evening ... And,predictably enough, you are unable to consider that a fun one-time only experience and are wandering what happens next...
Madame Cindycares and her magical crystal ball see a tall dark and handsome stranger offering you the role of secret sex buddy...
Madame Cindycares would not mind to be wrong, in fact she will be happy to be proven completely wrong, but right now she senses very strongly you are projecting an "on the side girl " aura....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think i am going to wait and see what will happen with him,
and i have to give him his space. but i dont know how long i should wait for that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 The answer you wanted was if there's sexual attraction, you got that. You don't know if there's an emotional connection. Like marriedlady said, you are going to want more than sex, and it's not a good idea to find out more about him by having sex first. While everybody says it's not a good idea, at least you have this experience and you will be more relaxed in the future. You will be able to differentiate sexual tension and the actual feeling of being in love. It's a slightly different chemical in the brain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys
i went there and we talked and he said that he was attracted to me and that he know that it wil be wrong for the other girl.
He told me that he is also very serious about me being there and we ended up having sex
i know that it is crazy and that i should have thought otherwiese, but at the end of the night i felt weird and he also felt weird we stayed at his place and each one took a room.
the second day he took me home and we had coffee in the morning and we were normal talkin,
i dont know what he will do about his relationship and now i am confused what to do next. i do like him a lot and i am also saw that he likes me too.
what should be next?
PS: i know that maybe i had the chance to get out of it but i also wanted that too bad and i wanted to be with him.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (17 July 2010):
Seriously, Q? Here in Mighigan, the rape laws say you can retract an offer for sex at absolutely any time. If sex happens even after permission is given, if the woman was so much as hesitant, she can claim coercion later and retroactively declare it rape.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (17 July 2010):
If he sleeps with you while still dating her, he's a cheater. Then if he later decides to make you his girlfriend instead of her, could you ever trust that he won't cheat on you too? If he breaks up with her for you first, sure. But until then, it's a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 July 2010):
No ,you don't "have to " go there tonight and explain him.
He is not gonna sue you for breach of contract , is he ?
You could very easily have done all the explaining by phone. There was not much to explain. You could have said that you were actually just joking and he fell for it hahaha - or you could simply have told him that you have changed your mind once you realized that it was not such a great idea.
You WANT to go there so that tomorrow you can write us " I went there to explain him I could never do that.... but then one thing led to another... it just happened "
Listen , do you want to shag this guy ?, then shag him.
But please do not implicitly ask US reassurance that it's a good idea, that it won't hurt your friendship, and that you had no choice. ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): would he "break up" with the other girl? i dont have a problem with you and him checking out your feeling for each other, but i think he needs to be free first. i think you are serious about him, and i think you will only end up hurt as the other woman. it will destroy your friendship...women tend to become territorial and emotionally attached and you already really like this guy so i just wouldnt until he is free. mal
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A
male
reader, very lonely man  +, writes (17 July 2010):
don't do it if i was you it will bad for relationship with your friends he won't respect after you have had sex with him. it could end your friendship with both of them. you should have not said it to him just say it was a joke.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 July 2010):
The only thing I can think about them not having sex is his girlfriend is not ready and wants to wait. She's smart, she knows something is up with him and would not give herself too easily. If he can say yes to you while still being attached, he's not being serious with his girlfriend. He has this drive, this itch to get out of the way so by having sex with you he can focus better. When he calls you then say you don't want regret ruining the friendship. Seriously I don't know how you can keep this friendship knowing the sexual tension is always there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey q1605
what would happen if i slept with him to our relationship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Illithid, thanks for te answer
he called me today and invited me for a dinner at his place
i guess i have to go there and explain it to him.
i dont know how to do it, he even showed at my work today to have a coffee with me ad tell me about tonight
yes i meant it bec i like him a lot and went with a joke that we started
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (17 July 2010):
That doesn't sound like you were joking. He even asked you, twice, if you were joking and you told him both times that you were serious. And you even say you like him. I think you meant it.
Just don't do it. Tell him you thought about it and it wouldn't be a good idea, or that you don't want to be the "other woman" or whatever excuse you need to use. The moment he becomes a cheater, he won't respect you, you won't respect yourself or him, and you're risking destroying his relationship. You just let your mouth get ahead of yourself. Apologize if he's upset, but don't sleep with him.
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