A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem and I want your imput on how to deal with it.Im afraid I may have been sexually assaulting my girlfriend, but its a complicated situationSo me and her were dating for 11 months and I knew she had some problems in the past with several guys but she refused to go into any details about them. When we met, I was still a virgin, however she had slept with 3 guys so far, so she was much more experienced and often talked about how she wanted to do things with me, however, I wanted to take it slow.While i was in university we spent a lot of time sexting, and she seemed perfectly comfortable with everything and claimed she wanted to do everything. But since I was still a virgin I wanted to take it slow, so we spent a lot of time doing oral sex.. But after a while I noticed that I was doing it a lot more than she was so I brought it up saying that if we wanted to have more fun she should do things to me more often. But what i didnt know is that her old boyfriends used to force her to give them oral, and Now she was telling me that she always felt uncomfortable when i would ask her.So I dont know what I should do... Certain members of my family have been arrested for sexual assult and Im terrifed that i might turn out the same way, and Im disgusted at what ive done and im just asking for any input.
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her ex, oral sex, still a virgin, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Don't feel guilty. You only asked, you didn't force. And you knew nothing about her situation with her exes before you asked, so don't feel guilty. Just don't ask again. Let the relationship progress and let her get more comfortable with you and maybe then things will change.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 you shouldn't feel bad, they forced her but you were different and you asked, that means you are nothing like them and i am sure she realises that. be kind and gentle with her, don't ask for it again, when she realises she can trust you she may just volunteer to do it. alternatively she may not do it for you, so then you have a choice - either accept that you will not get oral but stay with her any way or IF you feel like you really can't live without it, end the relationship.
sounds harsh i suppose but the choice is yours, what is more important to you - your girlfriend or blow-jobs?
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): I have been sexually assaulted in the past, and the biggest difference I can see between you and someone who is doing that is that you truly feel bad. With that said, asking for it isn't sexual assault, and now that you understand her reluctance you feel bad for asking. From what you have said you wouldn't force her to give you oral, so you are not abusive to her. I would suggest that you talk to her about it and let her know that you care about her and you don't want her to feel pressured into giving it to you, and that if she doesn't want to give it to you, it will not change your feelings for her. From my own experiences in life, you really don't seem to be an abusive person, and the fact that you are on this site and posting this question indicates that your a very caring man. I wish you the best and I hope that I may have helped in some small way. Take care.
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