| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi I am so down can't stop crying and would like some advice.I was with my ex boyfriend for nearly 4 years and we broke up just over 2 months ago. I split up with him as things were not working out. We have split b4 and had a break 6 months prior and decided to give it another go, but it didn't work again. We still speak and are going to try and be friends.I met someone else the same week of the split. At first I didn't like him, then after agreeing to a date with him I was glad I had as we really clicked. After 1 month we had become very close and intimate which was all good, he introduced me to all his friends. He implied we were together beacuse of small things he said, so one night I asked if we were and he said he didn't want to talk about it at this point. We contiunued to see one another, I then asked if he wanted to go on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend. He thought it was too soon to do this and said he would prefer to do it at another time. Since then he has been very distant and I think that I have ruined everything. Beacuse I was so used to being with a guy in a committed relationship I have acted as though I am in one. I really like him and feel so hurt. I am tired of not being able to find someone for me and I now doubt he wants to see me anymore. perhaps I got into this too soon. He did contact me couple of days ago saying he will speak to me soon. He has not arranged to see me again yet. Do you think he will tell me if he doesn't want to see me anymore?Thank you. x
View related questions:
a break, broke up, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): Do you ever think that you already found the right person and let them go? From what you say you seem to want a committed relationship right now. Perhaps your new man does not.
When you split from someone who you have been with for so long it is difficult to ease off when you start a new relationship. But you really have to ask yourself do you want to start a new relationship or is it the old one your heart desires so much?
Now I don't know what went on with your ex, but to start something new so soon would suggest to me you are trying to fill the void he left behind. A void that you may never fill again. Wanting to fill that void and be in a committed relationship could mean that the one you just ended was not so bad at all. It could be the one you want again.
My suggestion is think carefully about what you really want before it's too late. At the moment you think the new guy is the answer, but trust me honeymoon periods end and things change. Ask yourself this, was your ex the true love of your life? Did you see a future with him? Why didn't it work? Was it you?
You say you are going to try and be friends with your ex. First mistake, you are not over him. You are still in love with him and are looking for a path back if things go wrong with Mr New. Just women's intuition, but I think that if you had been as worried about your long term realtionship as you are about this new one, you would still be together and doing all the things you must have planned for so long.
Did it feel like it does with Mr New when you first met your ex? You know I bet it did, and those are things that you can get back if you really want them!
I did the same thing as you before and you know what? I still loved my ex so much and realised it was me that screwed things up. I talked to him, tried to get him back and it worked! We are now happliy married and have been for 4 years.
How and why? Well, we understood each other, we communicated openly and honestly about our feelings and worked as a true partnership to achieve our goals. We were best friends then and still are now. Dispite everything he never stopped loving me.
Now everything I have said may be wrong to you, but just ask yourself the question, "Do I still love and want my ex?" If you really want it to work it will!
If the answer to the above is yes then call him and tell him! I bet he is waiting for that call.
Whatever you do - good luck. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): What do you mean, you're tired of not being able to find someone for you? You DID find someone and were in a relationship with him for four years. True, ULTIMATELY it didn't work out and you split for good. That happens. But then you quickly - maybe too quickly - and started dating him. One or two months is much too soon to know whether you two are really well suited, you know!
Just see if he does get in touch with you and listen to what he says. Its possible that HE thinks you both hooked up too soon after the breakup with your ex. If he does not, then, give it another couple of weeks at least, and if you want to try again, you could call him, but be light and casual "Hi, I'm calling to say hello, how are you?" sort of thing. If he does invite you out, again, as Shandy Pop says, relax and don't pressure him (or YOURSELF!!!) drop the idea of a double date for now.
If on the other hand, he doesn't get in touch, or you yourself decide you don't want to hear from him, then take the time to be on your own, and to see what you can learn from these experiences - that is, what qualities do you want in your next boyfriend, and what do you not want. What sort of relationship would you like to have - one that can in time be a committed one, or would it be good to play the field and date other boys casually for a while to see if one of them is really compatible with you, and you with him.
Meantime, again, follow Shandy Pop's very good advice and stay busy with activities you enjoy - either things you do on your own, or in a group with a friend or friends. Keep your focus on your job or schoolwork and aim to do the best you can there. You'll be able to gain some perspective on your experiences with these two guys, and the hurt will lessen. You will grow as a person.
Take care!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): Firstly, what is wrong with being on your own for a time to get to know yourself. It's not that bad. I did it for 4 years. It's great! The independence was stunning and i built myself into a much stronger person.
Secondly, if he gets in touch now, be cool! Let him do the running around. Arrange a date, maybe going for a walk then a bar meal. Back off a bit, keep it light hearted.
Thirdly, you sound quite young, do things to keep you busy. Get out there with your friends and do things as a group. Try not to mope around. I know it's not easy, i've done it! Well all have, but believe me experience will be on your side one day. Just don't run after him. All may come good, if not then move on and enjoy life. Take care.
...............................
|
