A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really concerned that my husband is gay. There are a few reasons i think this. 1) he is not into sex that much, we are lucky if we do it once a month, 2) he is very, very tidy around the house (which is great, not complaining) 3) i think the fact he is an only child, he feels the need to be normal, like he does not want to let his family down, and really, really wants children. 4) his friends tell me he has been approached by gay guys in the past, he had not taken up on this. 5) also he shared a bed with guys in the past, rubbed there backs, he told me this, which for me sounds really strange!! I have heard people ask him if was he gay, just one or two. He left me after 7 months of marriage saying he was confused...never got a reason why. I ask him was he gay?... and he said he finds it disgusting and could never be with a man, even when a scence comes on the TV.Please help, am i worrying about nothing, i would prefer to know. Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): Him saying he finds gay people disgusting could just be internalised homophobia - so you can't take that to mean he isn't gay. Sometimes those with extreme anti-gay views turn out to be gay themselves.
His denial of being gay could just be that he finds the whole gay thing unappealing. That of course doesn't mean he might not be sexually attracted to men.
I am an only child myself and I can relate to your thinking that it could be playing a part. I am gay and did think as an only child that it was more of a problem as my parents hopes and desires were all upon me (rather than on a few children). I too really wanted to have children in my future, and of course I was the only avenue my deserving parents had of becoming grandparents. I never had a relationship with a woman but I can see how some gay men would.
I won't presume to say he is gay or not, as hey how would I know! Only he really knows!
You need to put the hard word on him:
WHY did he leave you after seven months of marriage? WHY doesn't he want sex very much? If he doesn't know he needs to find out. No excuses. Go to the doctor, speak to a therapist. Whatever. You need answers.
A
female
reader, sadeyes  +, writes (9 April 2008):
Hey
Going through something similar myself,been with b/f for a year,he is a very conservative no nonsense guy that never spoke about feelings.Anyway he also has sexual problems in that we couldnt really have full sex as he either couldnt get erection in first place or couldnt keep it once we tried.I loved him so accepted this,however he has now ended our relationship saying he doesnt feel for me what i feel for him and he isnt in love with me,however he wants us to carry on exactly as we are doing but not as a couple and no sexual side to it.What I dont know is whether he is just hiding from the sex problems or if the sex problems are due to fact he is more into guys than girls and just cant admit it yet.Weere there any sexual poblems??
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 If you are not a gay , you cannot be one.
A gay will not have revulsion when he see's gays in actions.
It is not easy to change his perspective.
You could be worrying for nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): A link which might help you:
www.voy.com/86426/
Also straightspouse.org
Being tidy doesnt mean anything untoward, the lack of sexual intmacy could be a red flag, but there might be medical reasons too. He might need a check up by a doctor.
Try to talk nonconfrontationally with him.
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