A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Not really a love prob but need advice Im 25and have a big problem with death I worry about loved ones dying a lot More then I think is normal My parents who i live with are 50 and 55 and i constantly worry about them I was even like this before the first death in my family 2 yrs ago my grandmother This is spoiling my life What can I do
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male
reader, Lobsang Kalden  +, writes (24 June 2011):
My dear friend. Your fear of dying have ramifications way beyond your own personal discomfort. All your relationships are affected by such fear. How can we ever get really close to people if the fear of loosing them grows in proportion to the closer we get to them?
As distances increases, the fear of loosing someone grows dimmer. That is why people draw such distances from each other: to mitigate the fear of loosing them.
The lack of love in this world has the fear of dying as its roots. We make life miserable because our fear of dying is so great that we do not want to feel as if anything worth keeping is a stake. There is a strong tendency within us to demonize life so that when death approaches we can actually perceive it as a liberator.
You said that, because the fear of someone close to you dying, life had become intolerable. But you yourself are making life intolerable in order to reduce the value of what you fear loosing.
"He died, sure, but at least he escaped a world of suffering and sorrow", is the attitude here. You are using your suffering as the evidence for a life not worth keeping and thus to reduce your fear of dying.
By drawing a distance between life and happiness one does succeed to temporarily reduce the fear of dying by keeping love at bay, but only to the detriment of a life worth living.
And so, think my friend about the damage you fear is bringing your own personal relationships. If you have not already started to separate, if the fear continues, you will.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Hey,
i can sympathise. My boyfriend had a similar problem- he was terrified of dying. He experienced a couple of deaths and started reading about people who died at a young age. All of a sudden he was terrified and afraid to go to sleep and convinced he was going to die. i just sat up with him and reassured him and time bore out the fact that it was unfounded.
He's not like it now though. It's due to some kind of anxiety in your general life i think, sometimes if we're anxious about life in general, we focus it upon other things, like death, or exams, or relationships, work etc. Also fear of death is also linked to depression.
If its any consolation at all my dad died two years ago at 51, and i was more scared of how i'd cope then i am now i'm coping fine. Don't be afraid.
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A
female
reader, Miss Kipling +, writes (9 April 2008):
 I can relate to this as I have gone through stages where I worry about family members dying, so much so that I will even lay awake at night worrying about it. You do not mention how long you have been having these worrying thoughts about death but the fact that it is spoiling your life suggests to me that it may be worth talking to a counselor about it. Im not a doctor but it sounds as though you may be suffering from a form of 'Obsessive compulsive disorder'.This is fairly common anxiety disorder which involves the person suffering from frequent, obsessive and negative thinking. Counselling can help this problem but you may wish to do a search on the internet first and see if you can gain more understanding of the subject.You do not have to live with these horrible worrying thoughts and there is help out there.Good luck, let me know what happens x
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