A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's the anniversary of when i started seeing my boyfriend tomorrow. We have been together for a year. He is much older than me, and has bipolar disorder. I'm really worried though. He got drunk yesterday, a nd is out drinking again today, and i'm worried that he won't see me tomorrow. He did ask me if i wanted to meet him at the pub today, but i don't like going out drinking with him, as i don't like how he acts when he is drunk. Yesterday, we arranged for me to go to his house, but when i got there, he wasn't in !. Apparantly, there had been some kind of emergency. I heard him talking about it on a voicemail message on my phone. he tried to call me, and had left his phone on by accident, instead of hanging up. I was upset, as i heard him talking about a woman on the voice message too. I want to talk to him about that when i see him. I also want to tell him that i think it was selfish of him not to be at his house when he said he would ( he should have at least told me that he wasn't going to be there, before i got there ). Yesterday and today, i have tried to call him , and sometimes he didn't answer the phone, and sometimes he answered and said he would call me back in a few minutes, but he didn't straight away.We have spoken briefly though.It's also his son's birthday tomorrow, and he told me that he sent a present to him. He doesn't see his son. I think it's lovely that he bought his son a present, but i'm worried incase he hasn't got anything for our anniversary, and that he has wasted all of his money on alcohol. We have been through this quite a few times ( usually on the week that he gets paid ). He apologises for it when he is sober, and usually, he is a kind, sweet, generous person. There's only so much i can take though , and i actually feel like i want to have counselling. I'm worried incase some women in the pub are chatting him up too. He has gone out on his own. Should i just see what happens and let him contact me ?. I don't want to call or text him again.I hope this all makes sense. I am upset as i am writing this. He is usually very reliable, but i hate how he acts when he is drunk.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 December 2012):
 Sounds like he's a binge drinker. If he is out of control when he drinks, then you should consider seeking support such as Al-Anon and decide if you want to put up with his behavior any longer.
Also the points Daisy_Daisy makes are very good!
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (21 December 2012):
 p.s. my answer was in order of the points you raised in your post, but his out of control drinking and lack of regard for you are what worry me the most. "Usually very reliable" isn't good enough.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (21 December 2012):
Yes I think you should wait for him to contact you. Why should you try to contact him again? Yes it's your anniversary, but I can see so many red flags in your post; I know this isn't what you are asking (at least, not directly) but anyway ...
1 he's "much older" than you (not a huge problem in itself but a question mark)
2) he has bipolar disorder (again not a huge problem if he's in treatment and stable but he don't seem to be ....)
3) he has a drinking problem whereby you don't like how he acts when he's drinking and he spends too much money on drink to the point where his money runs out
4) he's unreliable - isn't where he's supposed to be when you make plans
5) he's Unavailable - doesn't pick up the phone to you or let you know what's going on
6) you don't trust him to go out on his own.
7) you feel upset and feel as though you can't take much more and feel like YOU need counselling
I can't see any positives in this relationship. Are you sure you wouldn't be happier without this man? Sorry to be blunt, but it sound miserable.
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