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I am working with Female Bullies whom are 17 to 20 years older than I am

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Question - (28 May 2007) 11 Answers - (Newest, 1 June 2007)
A female , anonymous writes:

Working with Female Bullies whom are 17 to 20 years older than I am; seriously, this is ridiculous!

I have been working there for 15 years and about 2 years ago, this happened when I moved from one part of the warehouse to where these rude females are stationed.

I did make one stupid move, and I wasn't the only one disturbed by their choice of music, yet others departments including mine had to wear personal headphones and this department felt they are special and made their own rules by blaring their boom box and sing (badly) on top of it,

These ladies ( if I have to call them that) also celebrate everyone's birthday; except mine of course) and can eat their cake and ice cream passed our 10 minute break and still get away with it.

Other departments have complained, I just don't say anything about that, because I had done enough with pulling the plug of the oldest lady's boom box, after about a year mentioning it to the department supervisor and Human Resources.

I felt if they could blast their tunes, I should be allowed to blast mine, but I did not wish to find out what happened because other departments were disturbed by these women.

I did what people would only think about doing and not actually do it...I pulled the plug not once but the second time the plug had hit the woman in her forehead and I immediately apologized and wanted to try to reason with her and maybe compromise.

That obviously did not over too well and the outcome of that situation ended with their radio was banned and personal headphones were strictly the only choice they had and to be treated as everyone else.

I ended up being suspended for a day and when I returned to work I was called to see the plant manager to only discover the woman who I pulled the plug on called the local police on me for antagonizing her

I was working doing my job, I wasn't retaliating or trying to do anything for me being suspended, I accepted my fault and agree it was not the best of interest after I chose to handle it that way.

She did threaten me and ran after me to fight me in the shop; I did egg her on and was willing fully to offer her the first punch

I just tried to compromise and she felt she can do whatever she wanted because they were there first; before the company had moved the department that my co worker and I were moved to, which is right next to these loud women.

As time went by, my co worker doesn't talk to me after all, she had complained to me about them and now I have to hear them shout good morning to everyone but me and I have been cut short a lot of materials from the receiving department whenever there is an order issued out for me, and I have no intentions of quitting my job.

I do,once in awhile, say morning to the same woman who called the local police on me, but I do it because I see them daily 40 hours per week. I do not do this out of retaliation or anything to start crap

I know, we had our differences, but how do I settle the score, so to speak?

They refuse to listen and still sing loud enough, they whisper when they don't want me to hear or they all go into the restroom and they made their own hours rather than from 6 am to 230 pm they are allowed or get away with working 7 am to 2 pm if that.

I don't bring it up to HR because I feel I had done enough damage and maybe I should, I really don't know.

The guys I just talk to while on smoke break tell me it's because I am pretty and slender and it's obvious they aren't so these women will do anything and everything to try to get to me.

I had been going in every day since that blow up and I mind my own business, now I am hearing rumors that I am the shop whore, because they see me with the guys at break time, outside smoking my cigarette.

When will these women see there is no point, and just get along with everyone including me. Even my boss, won't allow me to earn piecework if one of the women in their clique is at work, because he knows that the woman who works in that designated department doesn't like me.

I have been keeping a low profile and haven't done anything else to these women for them to continue this nonsense

They have actually gone to other departments and other females refuse to speak to me.

Sounds like they won me over, but I refuse to quit because I need my job as I am sure that they do.

I have heard others tell me that the main woman who called the local police on me, will have my truck wrecked or tampered with before I can clock out, so I have been catching a ride with people I know who don't work there and help pay for gas.

I have to get back to driving and it is her word against mine when I hear threatening remarks of that sort. I just don't know how else to handle this.

I know I have been doing something right since that stupid judgement that I made 2 years ago.

But when or what will it take to have them stop playing this bully role

Every time I need to see my boss, one of her other clique members will whistle for my boss (like he's a dog) and I really need my boss to show me a new project and have his undivided attention not be distracted by some over sized bully who really doesn't need him for anything but to cause a disturbance when I am trying to learn something new.

I can be on the drill press and one of these bullies will slam a wooden skid onto the floor on purpose and if I get hurt on the job because of this rude behavior of these bullies, I will be forced to sue that person and not the company for that accident.

I can only hope I could, because that person knew what they were doing.

What can you tell me here?

I need to find comebacks that stick to hopefully make them feel stupid for the acts they put on for me.

I don't really care if they don't talk to me, I get more done without socializing, but it hurts when that is where I spend most of my time and I used to be the popular friendly one, now I am the one they all look forward to destroying my image or life.

View related questions: at work, co-worker, my boss

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I am not a quitter and won't quit or give into these ignorant people the benefit; I know that there is people at most jobs like this everywhere.

I am trying to have them see to it that their behavior at their age is really immature and hoping for them to back off.

I can not afford to quit my job and if they are in the same situation as I am and I am pretty sure that they are, Why can't we all just get along?

Bury the hacket, we all need our jobs and we are all working because we all need to earn a living.

Maybe I was dumb enough to ask for advice for hoping that I would get ideas to nudge a bully to thinking that they are stupid for playing a person who had apoligized and accepted what went wrong. I admitted where I was wrong, Yet what happened to the wrongs decisions that they have chose to pursue with me and just continue to bully or try to boss around?

These adults are just too ignorant to realize or they believe that they are smart enough to continue this behavior to put me in my place, and continue until they get caught when something serious happens?

I am just trying to work for the company and yes there is this emotion that seeks in while I work and really is hard to block them out, because they are right there.

This does take a toll our of a person whom accepted, admitted and even caved in on acknowledging their presence after the evilness in their souls.

How would you react to someone who has or had Bullied YOU?

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (29 May 2007):

Frank B Kermit agony auntI am going to suggest three things:

1-Be asked to be moved to another part of the company if there is one.

2-Start looking for other work, and if you can not find a job, start your own business on the side, and when you make enough money, then quit.

3-Start keeping track of EVERYTHING on paper. Every incident, the date, the time, the action, the wtinesses, and keep a log.

Hitting the other woman on the forehead was not good. She called the cops because of the record keeping they do, in case you want to make a big deal about it later.

Look, no job, and no paycheck is worth the personal day to day agravasion that you are going through. Find something else asap. Staying there is a bad situation just on principle means nothing, as you are the one that is continuign to suffer.

I left a job in my industry for the reasons you mentioned. Good pay, but I was losing my mind, and would have gotten violent if I did not quit. You happiness is worth more than their misery.

-FBK

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007):

I dunno where u live, but i know in florida there is 4 pages of lawyers on this stuff willing to work for free. Then they take a percent of the end result.

I been in this position,the first thing they say is to make sure you record every incident.So when you leave work for the day make a journal,write down everything that happened and what was said who said what so on.

It is considered pure harrasment,and it has become a hostile work enviroment to boot,which is also a no no.All you can really do is be strong,keep your head up high,and always remain polite to them ,never stoop to their level ,let them realise you have alot more class then that.

I finally let it slip in a conversation in lunch room about how it is a hostile work enviroment and millions sue smaller companies each day for this kind of stuff.It slowly got handled.

It takes alot out of someone to try and go through this stuff,it is not good for the company as your mind is never really on work.It got so bad where i was,it became aggressive between a few and i started to feel like i or someone else would be physically hurt.

Since your manager and boss whichever know about the harrassment they as well as the comapny are financially responsible if you do decide to sue them. Another thing most do not realise.

I do wish you alot of luck,and pray you come out of it ok.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I just read about a question in an answer that asked me if I work, that puzzled me, of course I work and many times have been asked to do the work of these women from my boss; sure I know whose job the materials are for and which employees work with these materials, but since I try not to think about whose job it's suppose to be I work it anyway for the company I have been working for, all these years.

For examaple, I get done with my work,and usually caught up I am issued to do their work, because these women probably see that and they automatically get paid any way for gossiping of me or complaining that their work was given to me to do, because maybe it's a HOT order the company needs to ship out. Their work is easier than mine and I don't have a problem with working; However the bullying has got to stop and these women need to be disiplined for their behavior, I don't care how old they are; they need sometime in their lives!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

How am I an easy target?

How do I go about defending them to back off, if I am an easy target?

I don't want to be hostile, I just wish that there was disipline then (2005) and now these Drama Queens are all out of control.

I really can not afford a lawyer to hire. There is a union rep inside the work place; but I really don't think he would do anything about it, he had told me that what is done it's over with and nope there is no camera's inside the building if they were to tamper with my vehicle it would be her word against mine and there are only camera's in the parking lot that (I forget what kind they are) those are good if someone is watching the monitor inside at all times. It's pretty much good for nothing.

I feel my supervisor won't do anything because he knows more about it than I do and doesn't want to deal with the outcome, there is more of them than me, obviously and that might look like favorites or either way look bad, if he chose them over me. I am not really asking him to take sides, I know that he sees what has been going on since my idea of taking this matter into my own hands.

But I need to find out ways to help me be and stay strong and hopefully (praying still) that they, the drama queens; give up already.

Do you follow me?

It really does take alot out of me working and then I would walk home and watch the ones I used to get a ride home with drive right past me without acknowledging me and I never done anything to have those innocent people ignore me like they do now.

It's really sad that these women could make up such lies about a person (not just me) and live with themselves.

I can not believe that I am actually opening up to people I do not know and finally getting some interesting feedback from YOU!

Thank you all for taking the time to read my agony that I have been tormented with for a couple years.

I can not afford to spend the $30.00 for a 2 minute download on the How to's.

That is why I am here on this website, heard alot about your helping voice of opinions and figured I would give You a try.

Keep the idea and support coming!

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A male reader, Royofthe Rovers United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2007):

Royofthe Rovers agony auntWhether or not you have a blemish on your record does not make a blind bit of difference, and the fatc that there are witnesses to the womens misbehaviour is a good thing.

Does the place have in house cameras which might of recorded such an incident?

Dont be worried about being called a hero, sticking up for your rights as a co-worker is a credit to your name so be proud of that.

You need to decide where to take this and how far. You have every right to work there as anyone else in that workplace. Character witnesses that can bear some light on the current situation can be handy so dont discredit there support so easily.

Is there any kind of outside union that might be able to help with your situation? It sounds like you might need an outside neutral backing to help you through this.

Just dont play into their hands by retalating however tempting it may be and just stick to your own beliefs and dont lower yourself to their level.

R

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I forgot to mention that the main bully had her boxes on a rolling device and as I was walking to see my boss at his desk (which is just passed her work area and the boss was at his desk) She noticed I was approaching and quickly pushed her boxes forward almost to hit me.

I just announced WHOAH/WOOH (I can not spell my expression) and made sure that others were to look at who hasn't grown up yet at the age of 57!

My boss didn't do a damn thing about that and Her friend will shine an aluminum to the lights on the ceiling to directly blind me while I am trying to work.

I am really in need to have something or someone stop them from tormenting me.

These women are uncontrolable unless they either retire or get fired or die off the face of this earth (I know that isn't nice to wish for)

These women age range from 50 to 60 years of age.

I have sisters only 44 and 43 and they never acted like this to me.

Granted blood sisters are quite different and we were disiplined and raised by the same parents, I shouldn't really compare them to my co workers.

Granted the main bully is African American and I am not a racial person, I have friends who are of all races.

(come on we all bleed the same color blood)

I am hearing that she often used that WILD CARD to defend herself and that is not fair.

Those of you who have answered so far have given me some good pointers

However, since the incident that occurred in 2005 would that be accounted for to current. I was told by my HR Department that is on my employee record; which I am not too proud about.

A few guys that were complaining about them, call me their Hero I don't like to be known as their Hero, I just don't like to be bullied by Drama Queens!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007):

Wow, are you sure you dont work i do,i myself have been similiar circumstance except itwas my female manager,who had made it impossible to work there at all.

I would look through phone book, there are alot of lawyers willing to work on a percentage for this type of thing.So you pay nothing out of pocket.

It is considered *hostile work enviroment*,altho i am sure you should actually report the incidents to the manager in charge first,so they have a opportunity to handle the situation at hand first.

Aswell they are suppose to move you from the situation at hand to another area,i got shipped to out of warehouse altogether,but i have to say atleast i do not have to deal with her anymore.Except the fact she doesn't even answer me if i say morning,but no huge loss i feel.

Good luck with all of it, i undrstand how frustrating this is,and actually mentally toll taking on a person.I wish you all the best.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007):

Find a lawyer. You can probably find one who will work for a percentage of the award. you should google "hostile work environment".

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A male reader, Royofthe Rovers United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2007):

Royofthe Rovers agony auntIt is unfortuante to hear your story and this kind of behaviour is unjust and totally immature. Sounds like a female prison to me. Your right in what one of your collegues have said, they are probably jealous of you for their own reasons and use you as an easy target.

remember bullies are really weak minded individuals who thrive on people weaknesses becsuse they are too afraid to face their own weaknesses. I cant reccomend any kind of retailation towards these rude people becuase i dont think that is going to help your situation at all.

Have you phoned the citizens advise bureau at all? Go through your work handbook and see what their rules and regulations are against bullying. It may seem like you are the class tell tell, but any other course of action is only going to play against you, knowing what these girls a like.

Your work has a responsibilty to protect its employees from abuse like this mental or physical and if they can not control their staff then someone can do this for them. You have to nake sure you are not the aggressor like they are as if this goes any further you will not be seen any better than them.

i wish you all the luck in coming through this and it is important to stay strong as you sound like you are.

R

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A female reader, candy00s United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2007):

candy00s agony auntThese women are bullying you and they need to be stopped. I strongly advise that you make a complaint to the manager where you work. Maybe your manager could arrange for you all to sit down and work through everything.

You cant work like this, they need to be stopped.

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