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female
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anonymous
writes: i'm insecure over my b/f's past and i get jealous thinking about girls he spent time with, slept with, had fun with..I have been with him for almost 2 years and i still get like this..he has given me cards that in it have written things such as "more love than we have ever been part of before, more reasons for me to be loving you more" and this v-day he gave me a card with the card stating to the love of my life....despite this--i still get these feelings..we are supposed to be going skiing soon and i know the last time he went skiing was with a g/f and they stayed at a b and b and i just get jealous thinking about it and how he probably had a great time....does anyone else feel this way with their s/o? He must have thought of her when he said the last time i went skiing, some parts of it were closed etc etc. what do i do?
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female
reader, Mistiwood  +, writes (18 February 2007):
hang on! Hold your horses! This guy is with YOU, not them, if they had been right for him then he would still be with them and not you. You need to get rid of these feelings as they are negative emotions and they will not only eat at you but will eventually eat at your relationship and he won't put up with it for ever. It is in his past, it was before he met you, he is who is he now because of his past. He cannot have a clean slate and have not met anyone before you. Perhaps you can ask him to either go places where he has not been before with his exes or maybe ask him to not tell you about his exes. However if you feel these feelings then you should be looking into why you feel this way, as this is showing your insecurities, life is experience and learning lessons, you cannot get where you are without having experiences, otherwise you might as well go out with a dummy.
A
female
reader, flossie  +, writes (18 February 2007):
hi,
I agree think about it this way, yeah he's been with other people but doesnt that mean that he knows what else there is out there, but he actually chosen you and you have been with him a quite awhile now so it doesnt look like he is going anywhere soon, so you must be good for him! It is hard to get thoughts out of your head about ur partner being with someone else, its like when you break up and you have to think of your ex being with someone else, but your still with yours and theres no reason why he should be going anywhere. so appreciate what you have got. otherwise it could become a problem with him as well and thats definately not what you want!
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (18 February 2007):
 It is always going to be hard for everyone to come to terms with the fact that the person they love has been in love before and has been intimate. I understand these feelings, my partner has a very colourful past and I find it difficult, especially when I have to see the women.
I suppose what you have to tell yourself is that he's with you now and loves you, not them. I know it's hard, we feel as if they're ours and should never have been with anyone else. It's silly but I've been there.
Maybe we could help each other get through this. Get in touch with me if you like, we can talk more.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 February 2007):
 He seems to love you very much. You just need to believe in yourself more and build up your confidence. It's YOU he's with, not any of these other women. How you're feeling is normal, a lot of women and men get jealous, thinking of their partners with other people but what you have to tell yourself is... it's in the past! It was before he met you, he's not doing that now, it's YOU he loves.
Men think differently to women. When he said the last time he went skiing, parts were closed, he really will be thinking of the skiing, it's all in your imagination and you're beating yourself up needlessly over it. If you're not careful it will end up destroying your relationship. So come on.... don't think about it any more. Here are two links to build up your confidence and self esteem. Do the self esteem quiz and see just how high or low your self esteem is then work on ways to improve it (the site will show you how.)
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
http://pickbrains.com/how-do-i-build-up-my-confidence
You CAN get over this if you really want to. Put it out of your head and think about you and him and how wonderful it is that he's chosen YOU!
Eve
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