A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Three years ago, my father left my mother so he could chase a younger girl. I've never been the same since. Every day I think about what he did and I want to kickbox him until joints break. But since I can't do that, I usually end up hitting myself.This anger has taken over me. It's hard to do my school work these days because I'm obsessed with being angry. Realistically, he's never going to apologize and I'm not going to forgive him if he's still tapping the new girl. I just want to get the point where I can say, "yeah I hate my dad but I can get on with my life" cause right now the anger is really inhibiting me. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JoanieDearest +, writes (2 January 2009):
Dear Anon,
The same thing happened to my family. My Father left when I was 4 and married a horrible woman. The consequences of his abandonment were far-reaching, and the anger and pain and loneliness and confusion were overwhelming for me for years and years. Every time I think I am "over it" something happens to bring it up and I realize nothing could be further from the truth.
I think the other people who answered this were well-meaning, but I don't think they "get it". This kind of pain and anger is a SERIOUS deal. It is powerful enough to destroy you. This kind of wound cuts right to the core of your being. How can you deal with the idea that one of the people who CREATED you would rather scar you and leave you for some piece of @$$ than be there for you? How much of a blow to your self-esteem is that? What an insult to your value and worth! It hurts at the very foundation of your existence... doesn't it? Believe me, I understand.
There is only one solution that I have found on my journey through that pain. And I will share it with you, I hope it helps.
What your father did was foolish, selfish and wrong. He left behind a very lovable person. But you can not. You must look at yourself as the child he left behind and hurt, and you must love that child inside you with all your heart. When you look at that person (you), promise to love and protect him and heal him. Do not hit him or hurt him. Nurture and protect him. Tell him you are sorry for what your father did, and promise to always be there for him. Offer yourself the love and compassion that your father will not.
It sounds like you do not want to hold on to this anger, and that is good, because the only person it will ever hurt is yourself. You must refuse to allow what you father has done to harm you any more than it already has. When you feel that rage come on, remember to look at yourself and say "I love you and I wont let him hurt you anymore." And then get back to the business of building the life you want for yourself.
Hope this helps you,
Joanie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): Let go of the anger, just grow up and realise your be more of a man than he ever be.
...............................
A
female
reader, xLovex  +, writes (23 August 2008):
Well you have already taken the first step to changing and that is to recognise you need to change! That makes it is the hardest thing you will have to do. Now, your probably thinking I don't know how to release this anger.
Think of it like energy - can't be created nor destroyed, just transfered into another form. (from my physics lessons lool)
Well try to channel you anger into your studys or an activity. Set up a kicking bag in your room and attack it if things get on top of you but i would advise to never harm anyone and especially not yourself. I watched tracey beaker when I was younger and I think there was an episode when one of the children had angerment issues. They set up a target, collected chipped plates and cups and got a helmet and glasses. Every time they got angry they would go there and take all there anger out into smashing it into peices!
I think if anything good comes out of this it could be that you can channel your anger and learn from his mistakes. Use it to YOUR advantage as when you grow up you will know what its like to have a seperated family and would be able to make your relationship with a potentially future partner work.
Keep posted and remember if you feel angry take a deep breath - count to 10 - and very slowly breath out. Also when I am angry I don't know why it calms me down but I go to my room and do stretches - i think it relaxs my muscles and tention soo gd luck :D
...............................
A
female
reader, mahtab +, writes (23 August 2008):
I don't think so you hate your Dad,otherwise you would not care about his life and what he is doing.You have the right to be angry, for what he has done to your mother,that is natural.All kids they want to see their parents together.Just give yourself sometimes to calm down a bit and talk to your dad about your feelings.The point is not he will accept your sayings or not.The point is you bring out your feelings.Your study is very important in your future life and try to concentrate, which i know it is very difficult but try your best.Good luck
...............................
|
