A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do. I don't think I love my husband anymore. We have been married almost 5 years, together almost 10. (I'm 27, he's almost 32). We have 2 children together and my son I had just 8 months before we met (but my husband is and always will be daddy to my son). When we first met, I think I really fell for him because of the way he was with my son. He was wonderful with him. Even watched him while I went to work, just a month after meeting him. Of course when my sons father and I broke up I didn't think I'd find anyone that would want a 17 year girl with a baby, so when I met my husband, I didn't want to let go. I didn't find him that attractive right away, but that eventually changed for me as I got to know him. OK, back to the present...He's like another child. He plays his video games non stop, I feel like I am a single parent. My husband is in the car sales business, so he works 60 plus hours a week (he could cut back, but chooses not to). I am a stay at home mom and I do everything for and with the kids. When my husband says something about having a night out, I start planning a "family" night out, but he thinks it should always just be me and him. I agree him and I need our time alone, but the kids need family time also. I am no longer attracted to him. He only showers like once a week, only brushes his teeth when he remembers to, never brushes his hair, shaves on occassion. He's a smoker, I am not. We NEVER kiss and haven't in a VERY long time. We never cuddle or hold hands. When we have sex, I feel like I'm being forced into it (he's really not forcing me, I just get disgusted) This has all been going on for quite some time. I have been planning out our divorce and where I'll go and how I'll get by. I haven't said a word to him about not loving him or being attracted to him anymore. I don't know what to do. I've stayed this long because of the kids. I still want him to be a part of his life, because these kids do love him very much. We hardly argue, but that's because we never see each other. He is a very hard worker, I'll give him that, but he's a whiner and complainer, and a big wimp..seriously, he'll start crying for a leg cramp or something small like that. I cringe everytime he touches me. When he tells me he loves me, I can't even say it back. I just get knots in my stomach. I am currently in school part time right now and am suppose to start full time in September. I know I'll need a job if we get a divorce, but with no degree right now, I'm not sure I'll be able to find one to be able to support me and 3 kids. This is the MAIN reason I haven't said anything to my husband yet. What should I do?? I'm LOST!
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broke up, divorce, no longer attracted, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I understand that this is a very difficult situation but you really need to talk to him about it. Some men can really change when they feel very comfortable. My husband does possess some similar traits to the ones you are describing, so I feel I understand.
Maybe you need to think about why you got together in the first place. Were you attracted to him then? Or was it just convienient? Was it just really nice to have someone to help you out with your son? If you really were attracted to him in the first place, you both need to find that place again and there is hope for your marriage. But if you were only attracted to the way he was with your son, I am afaid that is not much to base a marriage on. It seems like the only reason that you are still together is that you need financial support.
Anyway, my final word is sit down and gently talk about the problems you have with his hygiene etc and see if this makes any difference. Im sure if he loves you he will think about your feelings.
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