A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of a little less than 2 months had cheated on me with a number of different people. It has happened 3 times, and only once was she sober. I am trying to help her fix the problem and get through this myself, but she won't talk to me anymore. What do I do now?
View related questions:
cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kittikat  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Recovery mode sucks, but the only thing I can say is to please, PLEASE don't use this girl's actions to influence your views on women. Use the experience to learn about human behavior. She's young, you're young and you're both learning about who you are. I'm not excusing her behavior, it was wrong that she was unfaithful and lied about it. She's going to have to struggle with that one and hopefully learn too. At least she was honest though, the "afraid of commitment" part. Most people wouldn't own up to that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should pick the girls that you form relationships with carefully. I went through absolute HELL with a man who's father supposedly had 9 (yes, 9) wives cheat on him over the years. This man had some bad experiences with girlfriends cheating as well. So, of course, he started thinking that ALL women are cheaters and I spent so much energy trying to show him that I'm not a cheater! Never have been! It sucked because he is such an awesome guy, but he just couldn't trust. He's learned now, but it was a hard road. First of all, who's married 9 times? Yikes! Second, this father and son really need to look at the people they're choosing. Just be careful as to who you let yourself get emotionally invested in. Make sure you know the girl really well before you let your heart take over. As for now, take it slow and know that people don't cheat because of their significant others, they cheat because they have some need not being met. In your girls' case, I would think that she needed the attention. It stems from insecurity and immaturity. She's too young to know what her needs are, that's why infidelity is probably more likely going to happen when you're so young. How can you get into a monogomous, loving relationship when you have no idea what you want or need? If she doesn't know what she needs, how can you give it to her? That advice is meant for you too...Don't tie yourself down to just one girl so soon, there's so much out there and you'll learn from every girl you encounter. One day, you'll know you've met the one who won't hurt you, but only if you've seen a few who would. I think that makes pretty good sense. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question:) Thank all you guys, her best explanation was that she was afraid of commitments. That wasn't something I need to fix, so I broke it off.
I know how rediculous is was, 3 times in 2 months, so please don't all think that I'm a fool. I just wanted to help her, that was all. When she told me after "Number 2" I knew it was done.
I think I'll go into recovery mode now, any suggestions? :P
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Two months?! Are you serious?!
If she can't even stay faithful for those first few exciting months of a relationship then what happens when the routine sets after you've become really comfortable with each other? Will you allow her to cheat on you left right and center then too?
How many times are you going to let this happen before you decide enough is enough? You've already been cheated on THREE TIMES by this hussy. When do you feel you might start finding this behavior disgusting and unacceptable? Five times? Ten? Get some backbone and kick her ass out the door.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Stop letting yourself get walked over.
You say you want to 'fix her problem' as if it's something involuntary on her part. Don't be fooled.
A drunken one night stand, while still crushing and totally unacceptable, may be forgiven with time. However, she's cheated on you THREE TIMES in TWO MONTHS.
Fool me once...
Her actions indicate to me that she has no respect for you, or your feelings, or your realationship.
Tale off the rose coloured glasses and find a girl who'll respect you enough to remain faithful.
...............................
A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Don't be silly... you're being silly... She doesn't need or want help fixing her problems, don't stay with her. Dump her now. Do it by text message. Be brave.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): She has cheated on your 3 times in less than TWO months? Um, are you kidding me with "trying to help her fix the problem?" The only way to fix this problem is to DUMP her cheating butt! She doesn't deserve you. It's only been two months. Move ON buddy, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
...............................
|
