A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am trapped. I need help desperately.I formed a very close relationship with one of my school teachers and, well, we ended up kissing. Just once. But my ex saw. And now he's using what he saw as an excuse to blackmail into everything - from doing his homework to... anything. It is taking over my life. I am constantly at his beck and call and I don't know what to do. Help.
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female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (3 January 2011):
OK, the age of consent in UK is 16, so if she's over 16, back off on this, people!
As for the blackmail, there's such a thing as turnabout. Set up the following scenerio with your teacher: You get the blackmailer into a secluded area with your teacher out of sight but nearby. Tear your clothes, scream, and then your teacher comes around the corner, and run to him and say this person tried to rape you. The teacher then acts like he's about to call the police. Tell the teacher to stop, and not call the police. Go over to the blackmailer and say that if they ever try to blackmail you again you'll report them for attempted rape, and that the teacher will be a witness. That should stop them from ever trying anyting with you again, and probably make them leave you alone for good.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): "He is a paedo"
Technically, as she isn't prepubescant, to call him a paeodphile would be a misuse of that term.
The correct term in Epheophile (sic?) which means he's attracted to teenagers post-pubescant teenagers, from 12-17 or so.
That said, you can't say a man is a serial student-humper simply because of your own preconceptions. It may be he is just a moron who is letting his emotions get the better of him.
It is as equally likely that he is one as it is that he isn't.
I'm not saying I condone, or don't find his actions to be a horrible violations of student and teenagers rights. I'm saying you cannot go around accusing people of having sex with other students if you have no proof that they ever did, simply because you are a victim. It gives you no right to judge.
But as to the OP, I agree. You need to report this, as it is illegal and needs to addressed.
As it was only once, and may be a first offence, he may only be disciplined and moved to a different class.
But for your own sake and his, take care of this NOW before it grows to big to fix and ruins the lives of all those involved.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Go straight to your school counsellor and tell them the WHOLE story. They are legally bound to NOT tell anyone your secrets unless YOU give them permission to. They will know what to do because they have heard stories just like yours before, and even worse. Trust me. Don't tell the teacher, don't tell the ex. You are 13-15. Ok I have a confession to make. Ever since I was your age and still to this day I have had the dream of being the teachers pet. It never happened but there were two teachers who...well let's just say it could have happened. Now that I am a bit older I am GLAD it didn't. When I was a teen I sought out older men because I felt safer with them and looked after...but the reality is...I was too young to know WHICH older man to pick! So the ones who I picked turned out to be predators. They knew they were doing something wrong, even if I didn't. If HE wants you to keep it a secret that means he is ashamed! Don't get me wrong I still date older guys now...but I SOOO regret every older guy I dated in my teens. I look back and I am so ashamed and embarassed. Some of them I even feel sick to think about. Don't let the same thing happen to you. The other thing is...the teacher...even if you think that he has never been attracted to a girl your age before? It's a lie. He has. He has looked at other girls at your school the same way he looks at you. He has kissed other girls in his classes the same way he kissed you. When you are gone? He will kiss girls then too. He is a paedo. Even if you don't want to believe it, by the dictionary definition he is. He is using his position of power as your teacher to take advantage of you, and all the other girls he has kissed too. If you don't stop him he will keep doing it. And girls who are abused as teens are often damaged so badly by it they NEVER recover. And the sad fact is...that men who abuse young girls will often get worse and worse as they get older...he won't just stop at kissing one day, he will rape. And he will get worse. Don't let this happen to you and don't let it happen to anyone else. You will be responsible if he ever rapes a girl because you knew and didn't do anything about it. And when you come forward I bet other girls will come forward too. You won't be alone. He has probably been doing this for years and if he hasn't then he has to be stopped before he hurts anyone worse than he has hurt you. He is the cause of your troubles. Two boys you thought you liked turned out to be mean to you...this alone should tell you that you are too young to know enough yet to pick the right guy for you.
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A
female
reader, InLoveWithDoB +, writes (7 May 2009):
this lad sounds like an absolute idiot. but what your teacher has done is wrong on so many levels. sure we all dream about our teacher crushes doing it but if it actually happens then somethings seriously wrong. although i do think the best option to take is to deny it ever happened, and stop doing the stuff hes blackmailing you to do. you look guiltier if you actually do it. if he does tell people it wont be anything they havent heard before and will think its bullshit like the rest of it. good luck and STAY AWAY FROM THE TEACHER.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): you shouldn't be playing around with your teacher. both him and your b/f is totally using you. you decide whether you want this to continue. your teacher is like a paedo, abusing you. YES, HE IS SEXUALLY ABUSING YOU. AND you call it LOVE???
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 May 2009):
Blackmail is illegal in the UK.
Tell him that he has absolutely no proof that anything went on between you and the teacher... but you have proof that he's been blackmailing you.
Tell him that if he doesn't stop then you will go to the head of year and saying that because you were close to this teacher he's been threatening to make stuff up about you.
He's going to get in to far more trouble with his parents for blackmailing you and also because he hasn't done any homework his grades are going to suffer.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): I agree with the idea of denial for this one. Assuming no one else saw it then it's your word against his. Based on the fact that he's willing to stoop to blackmailing you I don't think he's got the kind of character that would prevent him from making up rumors. If the people in your school/town/whoever he tells know this about him too then they'll assuming he's just trying to slander you. I heard many rumors in high school about girls supposedly hooking up with teachers and they were all completely untrue and just stupid. Deep down all of us knew they were bogus. That's probably what will end up happening in this situation if you agree not to admit to anything. I would immediately stop doing things for your ex btw. You doing that makes you look guilty to everyone else.
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A
female
reader, Tweetybird828  +, writes (5 May 2009):
The only good thing about this is you can mess up his life while doing this... anything he asks you to do, do it but write the wrong stuff or just dont do it correctly eventully he'll stop because of his grades or something and he will leave you alone
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (5 May 2009):
 Tell the teacher what he is doing, then confirm that if your ex tells anyone you will both deny it ever happened!! Then tell your ex that you won't do anything for him anymore! If he tells people what happened then just deny it to the end!!!! And if you can't do this then just do whatever he is telling you to do, but do it rubbish! If he gives you homework then just put no effort in and write wrong answers! X
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