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writes: Hi everyone, I can't believe that I am writing about this so pubilc but here we go. I have been with my guy for 11 years. We have 3 kids together. Six yers ago he cheated on me and there was a little girl that resulted from it. I had no clue bout her untill she was 5 months old. This was the darkest time in my life ever. We got through that and I learned SO much about myself after having to go through that. I have real affection for this little girl and she has really become just another of the kids. He thinks I dont know but he has been cheating with her. I just had all of the kids the other day (including HER son by someone else). Her son was taking to his mom on the phone. When he hung up he said to my kids "hey your dad is at my house with my mom."I am sick . I am in a really dark place . How do I get out of this spot? I hve no job . Am totally dependant on him .I love him but after all of these years I have no doubt that this is just wrong . I do not think it will change. I cannot imagine life without him. BUT I cannot fool myself , I would never do this to him BECAUSE i love him the very fact that he can do this to me EVEN USE ME as her sitter to do it says alot about how much he loves me back.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): There are no easy answers here. In a longtime relationship, you know when something isn't right. Trust your gut on this one. I'm assuming he was supposed to be somewhere else but was at her place instead? If his reasons for being there were legitimate, there would be no reason to hide it from you. Sounds like he's playing you for a fool. If you confront them now, be prepared for the worst. Not being independant complicates things further. Your dependancy probably gives him confidence that you won't leave. Is there anyone who can take you in if need be? You might want to start exploring your options and making plans for your future. My sister was in a similar boat and had to stay with her ex until she finished her education and got a job that she could support herself on. These situations are gut-wrenching but you have to keep your head and do whatever you need to do to get out if he is indeed cheating again. I wish I could offer you more hope. Best of luck to you.
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female
reader, :):):)  +, writes (26 August 2008):
Wow, you must be a very understanding lady to accept these other children. It takes a strong person to cope with what you have so dont feel that you are weak in any way.
Talk to your husband frankly, let him know you are concerned over his relationship with this other woman. If he has anything to hide, his face will show it.Don't suffer in silence, voice your opinions.
You have been together a long time but dont underestimate yourself, its amazing how well we can cope independantly.
If your children are at school, why not apply for a day job? Working with others will give you the confidence you are lacking. If your children are still very young, child care could be arranged.
The sooner, you make arrangements for the future, (e.g job prospects, college courses..) the better you will start to feel. Good luck xxx
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female
reader, Spedie0802  +, writes (25 August 2008):
Do not assume he was over there having sex. You might be wrong. If you are, it will be disasterous.
They have a kid together. They might be discussing this.
I do think you two need more communication though.
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