A
male
age
41-50,
*alikadam
writes:Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my question. I am 25 and have been married for about 7 months now. since getting married, my wife and I have been fighting non stop. Also, she got pregnant (4 months now) and now we are expecting our first child. But for the last 3 months, she has started to act in a way that is very spiteful towards me. She is unhappy about getting pregnant as it was unplanned... hence the spitefulness. She has started going out really late.. coming home like 3am at times... does not tell me where she is going or when she is coming back. When we get into fights, she tells her friends and family about all our arguments and now they have judgements about me. I have already asked her not to do this but she wont stop. Also, she disrespects me while talkin on the phone with friends and family while i'm in the same room with her at home. Recently she went out with another guy to the movie and came home at 1am... next day she said "yea.. so he is my friend." I didn't know she went or that she was coming home late. We obviously have a communication breakdown to say the least. We go to bed yellin at each other... i'm very stressed as im sure she must be. I treat my wife like a princess. I work and cook for her cause of the pregnancy sickness. On top of that, I try and give her anything she desires... but i dont have respect.. and she doesn't honor my role as her husband. that is why I want a divorce. But I didn't make a hasty decision about it.I gave myself a few months to contemplate this situation but now came to a decision. I have told my wife that I want some space... to separate from her because I can no longer live with her. She packed some clothes and left that hour around 2am in the morning and went to her family. I found this to be a little immature but couldn't stop her. Now it has been 3 weeks and she has called me a few times asking about mundane things of hers that are in the house. Anyway... I want to leave her completely as she is very immature and spiteful... but she is pregnant. I am thinking of waiting until the baby is born to break the news that I want a divorce. Please give me your feedback.
View related questions:
divorce, immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 1sincere1  +, writes (17 February 2010):
Oh, I really feel for you. Your wife sounds like a monster!
How could she disrespect you infront of both your mothers?
Being pregnant myself I know what it's like dealing with mood swings and stuff but you are her husband, she should be so grateful for the position she is in, i am going through my pregnancy alone after my partner of 12 years left me. I think you should sit her down and really explain to her what she is doing to you, how she is causing you to feel and if she is willing to change for the babies sake as well as hers. I totally understand what you mean by moving away from her family families who do not like their childs partner always add fuel to fire and with her Dad not taking to you he is bound to influence her against you. How dare she belittle you infront of her friends while you are there! You are right she has no loyalty or respect for you as her husband or the father of her child. Try to talk to her let her know how she is making you feel and let her know you will not put up with it, you do not deserve to be treated in this way!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 February 2010):
 I think you should wait until the baby is born because children are life-changing experiences. The night-time lifestyle of your wife will have to change...feeds, nappy changes and broken sleep for months will put a stop to that. As she bonds with the child she may come to realise how important you are - new mothers need support. I think you should give this marriage time to heal itself for the sake of your baby - I am not saying it will work out long-term but a few more months to find out is not a great deal to ask.
...............................
A
male
reader, malikadam +, writes (14 February 2010):
malikadam is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,
Thank you for your response. I dont believe all this behavior is linked to the pregnancy. I mean...when she goes to her family and friends to bash me...sometimes right infront of my face...that shows i dont have her loyalty. Even if things got better..i would not want to go over to her family's place cause things have gotten so bad b/t them and I. she makes sure whenever we fight that she doesn't tell them anything she did and blames it all on me...to make me look bad to them. To tell you the truth, her father already didn't want her to marry me in the beginning so she should know better than to put him even more against me. But that is what spitefulness does.
I dont have loyalty or respect. That is why I want a divorce. Not because she is acting weird due to pregnancy. the only way i think this could ever work would be if I had both those and we lived in a different city from her family. Otherwise, it wont work.
Oh by the way, she has cursed at me infront of my mother and her mother...when she is upset, the disrespect really comes out. I have lost all love for this girl but I will always respect her as the mother of my child.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): Ive heard that the first 3 years after getting married are filled with arguments and fights. Are you absolutely sure you want a divorce after only 7 months?
Yes she's been acting horrible, but she is also newly wed like you, have to adjust to her new situation, got pregnant very fast which wasn't planned and messed up her plans for her life, and the top it off with hormones.
Im not saying what she's been up to is alright. It is silly to run off in the middle of the night and it's stupid to come home in the middle of the night without saying where she's been. She is not respecting you as her husband.
I advice that BEFORE you say you want a divorce, take her with you to counseling. Counseling might be a lot better than you and her trying to sort things out, because she can't just up and leave the session without making a fool out of herself in front of a complete stranger. But talking things through and planning how to take things from here could help save this marriage.
You two loved each other so much just 7 months ago that you agreed to live together for the rest of your lives, through the bad times as well! This is a bad time, this is what it looks like. But it can get better. At least the marriage deserves a proper talk and looking for solutions before you call for divorce.
PS. waiting until after the baby is born wont exactly make it easier for any of you. If you really want a divorce go through with it right away so she wont have to deal with a newborn child and a divorce at the same time. But I must say you'd be putting her in a difficult situation by not being there for her and the newborn. If you want to wait until after the baby is born you'd have to wait at least a year until after the baby is born, when its not so dependent on its mother and you can have your child visit you. Otherwise I fear you wont get to see your child much and also leaving all the work with the baby on her, she will recent you even more.
Go to counseling! Giving up on marriage after only 7 months is way too soon to say that this wont work. The situation as it is right now wont work, but the situation as it is right now will NOT last forever.
...............................
|
