A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I got married 5 years ago we lived together 2 years b4 that. Just before I got married, I re-met the love of my life who I have known since the 80's. I was confused and scared, so I got married (I shouldn't have) We started up a relationship again 4 weeks after I got married. But, she didn't know I was married until I told her a year ago as I couldn't take the lies anymore, and she was devastated. I said I would leave my wife and went to a solicitors, but 1 year on, I haven't left.I am very 'in love' with my girlfriend, but care for my wife as a sister. My wife and I have not had sex since June and I only did that to keep the peace - my girlfriend knew this and was very upset about it, but gave me another chance. What is stopping me leaving, finances are not so good and I don't want to leave the security of my house. I am 52 and there are no children. My girlfriend has just left as she can't cope anymore as I told her I can't leave. I am miserable without her. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): agree with q1605.............he hit the nail right on the head!!!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 q1605...ditto...I think...
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): People always says that you cannot help who you fall in love with, sorry, but i think this is bollox! How can you hurt your lovely wife? Why did you marry her in the first place? You havent had sex with your wife to keep the peace, with who?? Your gf who has now gone, lovely! sorry, but if i was your wife and i found out i would kick your sorry arse out of town. You dont deserve to have a lovely wife and be happy. You want to have your cake and eat it and not give a damn about other feelings. Your gf at least had the sense to get to hell out of your miserable face. No sympathy card dealt here. You messed your nest, now sort it out.
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 i think that you need to be a little less selfish - no offence or anything but staying with your wife just for financial security is so unfair to her. your giving her false belief that you are happy and you are lying to her. you should talk to your wife - she has to know that something is wrong if you havent had sex in that long! talk to her and see how she feels - she may feel the same way. you need to leave her and give her the chance to be happy with someone who is 'in love' with her too. as for your gf, forget about her for now and work on sorting out your marriage. if you do get separated, then you can start thinking about a new, healthy, honest relationship with this gf. but for now, be honest with your wife, she deserves to know how you feel
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): Hi,I am in a similar situation , bit younger , and 'fell ' into a relationship with someone else - I also have children , a full time job , and was doing a degree!! I have been saving for somewhere to live whilst keeping every one happy , and my other relationship has been revealed , a little too soon , before i was ready to jump, if you know what i mean. Am now left in the position of choosing? I understand your unhappiness at your girlfriend leaving , and also her position. but must ask , has your miserableness not caused you to make the choice, or do you still live in hope that either your girlfriend will return , or that things may get better. My 'boyfriend' left me last year , for other reasons , not because I wouldn't leave my husband , and at the time i was totally miserable , but used my studies to get me through - he then came back. I just lived in hope of a better life once my studies were through . I think it's easier to get by , living on hope? Maybe now that your girlfriend is off the scene , you may find life with your wife gets better, and you should try to work on this. As there must have been some good aspects of your relationship if you'd lived together for 2 years before you married her? or expand your life in other ways , new hobbies etc? I do sympathize enormously ,but there must be something which keeps you there , as you say or i guess you would have made the chioce by now? I wish you all the best in your decision. Take care
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A
female
reader, Lucy2118 +, writes (26 February 2008):
 I think you should work out what you really want. It's unfair on both your girlfriend and your wife. If things aren't going well with your wife speak to her about it, she feels the same as you, spilt up with her or work it out ans forget about your girlfriend. Hope this helps.X
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