A
male
age
41-50,
*orgotten
writes:I am struggling with my girlfriends newfound close relationship with her ex boyfriend. Several weeks ago we broke up but remained together on several levels. Throughout our relationship my girlfriend has always kept her ex at a distance never allowing me any contact with him nor affording me the opportunity to meet him. This has always caused me great distress and left me with questions as to why he is such a secret to me. We have had our problems and she has obviously had many discussions with friends (including him) about our relationship...she says he and everyone else just says if you're not happy, get out. I feel as thought she has done far more damage because she is ashamed to let her friends (including him) that we still talk and are still kind of together. She almost completely ignores me when she is with him and recently attending his graduation from a very prestigious institution and spent the entire with him and his family. She spent that evening at his house and has done so several times over the last few weeks against my discomfort and pleas to not do so. She has shown complete disregard for my feelings and has spent far far far more time with him than with me. One the night of the graduation I drove by his house several times because she ignored my phone calls and texts. She found out when I asked her a question because I thought I had caught her in a lie, and has never been the same since. This was two weeks ago. Today he moved to Chicago and she has spent the last few weeks with me as her lowest priority and he as the person she always wants to be with, clearly. She spent last night at his house before he left this morning and is now very obviously depressed that he is gone. She even said they both teared up this morning. She claims she just doesn't have anything for him anymore but how could someone who claims to care about you so much so easily dismiss your feelings? We are scheduled to start over and get back together in two weeks and she told me yesterday that she is taking advantage of her last few days of freedom...does she really care that much or am I reading into it too much and not being trusting enough? *oh yeah, she plans to go to Chicago in a month to visit already!
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broke up, depressed, get back together, her ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, hayashi +, writes (7 October 2008):
She is not worth the trouble. She obviously does not care for you so just leave her. If you really love her all I can tell you to do is just quit. Well... if you are with her long enough I think you will actually start hating her so who knows after a while. Good luck, and just trust me stop caring about her if its possible, and find a new girl who actually cares about you.
A
male
reader, Forgotten +, writes (18 July 2008):
Forgotten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well here's the update. Things have roller coastered over the last week. Since he's left I've suddenly been good enough to spend time with again. We have both seen the obvious and that this may perhaps be irreparable. I had planned a vacation to Cape Cod and the resort called telling me that there was a problem with the credit card. Turns out she knows my voicemail password and found this out much to my surprise. She called me out on it and made me look like a liar. I simply withheld the truth to fix the problem because it meant the world to me to do something so nice for her. She can't look past that I was doing it for her and is holding it against me. Yesterday there were more arguments and ALOT of nasty things were said...to me. She told me that she hates me, hearing I love you from me doesn't mean much since. (this is likely due to the fact that in the beginning of our relationship i was still close friends with my ex and didn't want to abandon a friendship with someone who knew so much about me. It took me nearly ten months to finally see how important it was to her that I remove her from my life. I have since changed my number and deleted my myspace and told the ex not to contact me anymore...again...all for her. I got yelled at because I left a message on my ex's machine telling her that i changed my number so there would be no way to get ahold of me in the future) She also used my son against me when she was mad saying that she wished my son would get hit by a bus and I would die first. She has to win everytime and I'm convinced that she started to see the good in me and it scared her and she needed to focus on the bad to keep up the game of breaking me down, kicking me and belittling me and demoralizing me. What do I do? How do you love someone like that and let them go?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): I totally know how you feel. i was with someone who never considered my feelings and even made me feel badly for having feelings like i had a problem or something. I hate to say it but the signs are like bright flashing neon lights. She sleeps by him??? what are you doing man??? She wants to visit him??? i know its hard but my advice is to get out while you still have some form of dignity. forget about this girl. she is not serious about you. Don't let anyone put you through this cause if they are then they are not the person you should be having feelings for. Trust me. If she were in love with, she'd forget her ex's name far less be spending all her time with him over you. Listen, there are loads of wonderful single girls out there who would love to have someone like you in their life. We're tired of games too. Stop allowing her to do this to you. she isnt worth it. and the one who is wont do this to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): are you serious? she has no respect for you whatsoever. i feel realy bad for you in this situation. clearly she is messing around with him and you are just the back up burner guy. the fall back guy when the relationship with him goes sour. you should get out of this relationship and love someone who will love and respect you back. i wouldnt put up with that if i were you. i just cant believe how disrespectful she is to the man that she supposedly wants to be with.
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