A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 18 and my Boyfriend is 24. We have been together for over a year now and he is everything to me. we have fun, get along well, and im his First Love. i have been hurt badly in the past and have serious trust issues because all boys use to do was lie, cheat and hurt me, i never thought it would effect me until i started this relationship, i have no trust and i hate it. i have been trying my best to get better, i dont question him anymore (eventhough i want to) and i let him have space to breathe. But Inside i still cant trust him, Sometimes i do trust him then a few weeks later it all comes back again. i have honestly tried everything, nothing is working or getting better, its leading to arguments and he is getting snappy a lot...Now i think he is cheating, i dont tell him that anymore though because i know i cant keep doing that, im trying to bottle it up, but it makes me angry thinking it. i have suspicions because he is late a lot, been snappy, he dont seem happy, he dont talk with me a lot even though i beg him to say something, when i cry he doesn't comfort me, he just leaves me in tears and stares at the tv. what more can i do? please help me, im desperate. im not only doing this for me, im doing it for my unborn child that is on the way, i dont want it to be this way when the baby arrives. i just dont understand why my boyfriend is being this way. i cant win, last week he said all i was doing was getting rid of him all the time, but then a few weeks ago he told me he needed to breathe and go out with his mates now and then thats why i have been saying go out because thats what he wanted. im deeply miserable and i cant talk to him he dont listen, sometimes i think, why am i still here? the only thing i have left to live for is my baby thats on its way, otherwise i would have nothing. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 You sound desperately unhappy and it may well be that your fear and insecurities, accusations and comments are driving him away from you. It's impossible to comfort someone who doesn't believe you, he may just be worn out by trying. You don't sound very enjoyable to be with, to be honest.
I think you might be setting yourself up for disappointment by creating the very behavior you fear most in him.
The thing you have to recognize is that the irrational fear is your problem to deal with, he's not going to be able to fix this for you. So I would highly recommend that you locate a good counselor to work through why you selected men who treated you so badly.
It may be that he IS cheating on you; we would have no way of knowing here, but it also could be that he simply can't tolerate being accused of something he isn't doing. I don't think you'll be able to tell until you do some work on yourself.
So off to the counselor ASAP, with the baby on the way, you want to have worked through this with a professional counselor. I understand Relate in the UK is an organization that works with couples in troubled relationships.
I do wish you well. Congratulations on the baby, I hope things are resolved for you by the time she or he arrives!
A
female
reader, missyd  +, writes (14 May 2010):
You shouldn't retain some capital informations. He needs to know that you feel insecure. Frustation have never made good relationship. You say you never told him that you didn't trusted him but you know the way we act, talk, and the vibes we send, trust me it shows.remember saying to friend "what's wrong?" even though she didn't tell anything.ask him if he still loves you, and what he wants for you two.have a talk and tell him how you feel. Maybe he will be happy, feeling that you care about him. you know acting like you don't care, might had him feel not loved enough, like you didn't care if he was going out the "pushing him away".
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