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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I went back on the dating site a few days ago. It seems like things are still the same. The guy I liked is still on there. It's really weird because just before I closed out my account the order of the guys that viewed me was different when I got back on. He hadn't viewed me for a while but just recently he viewed me twice and a total of 7 times. His photo actually moved up to the top of the line that's how I noticed. I don't want to make a big deal about this because he was the one that was saying all these nice things to me, but was not answering some of my messages and leaving his instant message off. When we did speak it was always good and I always missed the opportunity to ask him for his phone number because he has mine. Another guy I speak to on there sent me a text and I told him I would be off the site for a while. He asked me why and wanted to know what was going on. I said I was taking a break and that was only part of the reason. It was mainly because I was upset with the other guy, the one I liked. Normally I would have been excited that he took another look at my profile, but he couldn't send me a message because I was off the site. It kind of felt good letting him know that I was gone. I told him in my last message before I got offline that I had been wondering if he meant any of the things he said to me. I think he may have gotten that message. Whether or not he wanted to respond to that I will never know. I'm feeling a bit down because I promised myself that I wasn't going to have any expectations of any of these guys. All I wanted from him was an apology for ignoring me. He has apologized before I also told him in the message that I would understand if he wasn't into me. Now I just went off the site again. I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing because I know he is not interested in me or he would have wanted to visit me like he said he did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to add that in the beginning when I viewed his profile for the first time, it was May 29th and I didn't even think he would message me. He answered me on June 17th so he may just not be good at messaging right away and I had been chatting with other members already. Also some guys don't come on the site for a few days. I take into consideration that these guys have jobs to go to and spend time with their family and friends. I am disabled and I have a lot of free time so I try not to use the site to often. I like to keep busy. Thanks for all the comments.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks WiseOwlE I let myself get played to many times. There
were 3 guys that I really liked and none of them had any
intention of coming to see me. They all live far away. You are also right that they get off on you longing for them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): You've done the right thing to get off the site.
It's good to back off. Get back into traditional dating. Enjoy the thrill of the hunt. Fishing in a barrel is boring.
Most of the people on dating sites are meeting dozens of people at a time; and they do have their favorites.
They go for the people that stroke their egos. Once they get their fill, they move on for a fresh kill. Someone else who has raw feelings for them. That's how these guys get their kicks.
You are a mature, vulnerable, possibly lonely woman. That makes you a prime target; and they know the emotions that can be provoked.
They truly get off on knowing you're longing for them, and pining somewhere alone. These online Romeos and lover-boys are well-experienced at the game; and would never be able to handle women in reality, as they manipulate them online.
They have phony doctored profiles, or Photoshopped pics, and they are smooth-talkers. They entice people into giving them personal info; like e-mail addresses or phone numbers.
Yet they find excuses never to meet in-person.
Some Skype, so you may know what they look like. The game is the same. They pretend to be in-love, and people get swept-away. Then suddenly they disappear. Leaving people confused and abandoned.
They gain your confidence, learn your secrets; and how to push your buttons. They play you like a cheap fiddle; because people unwittingly confide very personal information, that can be used to manipulate them.
It's a game. They say nice things to keep a foot in the door. Then they go silent for long periods of time. They know that you're hooked on the messages. People easily get addicted to messaging. Especially when they have a lot of free time, or they're lonely.
I have advised many people on DC about getting too caught-up in long-distance relationships, and online romantic connections. It is healthier to keep your interpersonal skills active, and meet more people in-person.
Don't lose your ability to interact with real men; or you'll be socially-disabled. You lose self-confidence and/or become awkward and stiff. You'll lose your ability to recover from rejection.
That is important in the world of reality.
You have to be able to recover and be resilient. People sometimes hurt your feelings unintentionally; or on purpose. You have to be able to bounce back. You lose those skills being online too much. Online lovers wear you down.
You're fishing in a barrel; so it happens frequently.
You have to give yourself a breather; somewhere in-between meeting folks.
It may sound old-fashioned; but there is nothing old-fashioned about common-sense and logic.
Too many people get emotionally manipulated, and worse, by these online trolls that are nothing more than predators. They can be beautiful and really seductive. Online is a good place for a narcissist to find narcissistic supply.
If you've never met them, and you haven't spent an extended amount of time to get acquainted in-person; you are merely in a fantasy-world with a make-believe lover.
Like a video-game of the heart. So don't invest too much emotion in these players. They are stringing you along and your heart is just a game-piece to these guys.
Enjoy the chats and the company; as long as you keep things in proper perspective. Never take these guys too seriously.
Get a grip, and get over him. It isn't my intention to be mean to you. I want to make sure your head is in the right place, my dear.
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female
reader, malvern  +, writes (31 July 2013):
 Do not get hung up over anybody you are emailing on a dating site. You've no real idea who they are. I read in the press a couple of weeks ago about three women who were all emailing the same guy. He sent one of them a photo he said he'd just taken. When she examined that photo she could see the reflection of the photographer who, it turned out, was a woman!! So they'd all been in contact with another woman! Do as I did, set a 3 message limit. If they can't be bothered to meet you after that then they're not worth bothering with.
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