A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:i am a 50 yr. old male and my wife is 56 we got married when i was 17 and she was 23 she was and is still a very beautiful woman she looks to be in her 30s insted of 56 i have gained a few pounds over the years she as always is very tiny 120 at 5ft 4inches i on the otherhand am 6ft. 233lbs. now . i am in very good shape for a man my age and weight. i am very active and spend much time with our granddaughter on the weekends so as to give her and our 2 daughters time off to shop go out to eat ect. our grd.child is 8 now. and our 3 children are grown i adopted 2 she had from her first marriage when i turnd 21. my problem is she dont want to make love any more and i still do .i would 2or 3 times a day if she would and time allowed it. i am still very attracted to her as much as when we were young do you thik my weight could be the problem. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Like another poster said, your over the normal weight for your height. Maybe she is losing interest in you, but there may be a number of things! stress, menopause. The fact you been married so long, the fizzle might of gone out. All you can do is ask her, and she should really give you an honest answer.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 December 2008):
 I hope that if you've married as long as you two have been that you could feel comfortable asking her this question in a nonconfrontational way. You've had some good theories as to what might be happening with your wife to diminish her sex drive. Menopause is a possibility, with changing hormones, things may be all out of whack.
You are nearly twice her weight, if she's 120 and you're on the cusp of reaching 240; perhaps things are getting a little uncomfortable for her?
You said you're in good shape for a man your age and weight, so I assume you've been to the doctor's recently? And I hope she has been too? Maybe on place to start is by both of you making sure there's nothing physically awry in your systems. You're going to hear from your doctor that you need to lose weight, I think.
I plugged in your statistics into a BMI calculator and you are classified as obese. (A year ago, I was also in that category.) So for your own health, you might want to consider getting in better shape. Here's that calculator:
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
That aside, why not have a calm, loving talk with your wife, after a nice dinner when you're both relaxed after a pleasant day. Don't have this talk in bed.
Simply tell her that you've noticed that she doesn't seem interested in sex any more and you wanted to know what had changed for her. Then listen very carefully. Use words like "I feel..." not "you make me feel...." and avoid superlatives like "always" and "never". Stay calm, repeat what you hear back to her to make sure you understood her correctly.
Congratulations on your lovely family and on such a refreshing love story. I do hope that this is just a temporary bump in your road and that you'll be back in each other's arms like newlyweds soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): If you can try to catch little things she says, and act on them, you'll be more in her thoughts and more appealing...I believe.
For instance, when she brings up something she'd like to have or do, maybe you could 'make' it happen. This story was very romantic to me: a wife was having back pain, and for her birthday, her husband took a basic class in massage...just to give her some relief. Love it!
But as the other poster said, menopause years are difficult for some woman. vaginal dryness, hormonal changes, low libido. Maybe you could get a book at a natural health store to read more up on it. The woman I know uses Progesterone creme, it works for her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Probably not...Given her age, she could be going through menopause or just getting through it. It's normal for women to lose their sex drive at that time of life. But the good news is that it comes back!
Try some romance. Show her how much you love her in ways other than sex. Dazzle her with expressions of love! And most importantly, talk to her!!!! Communication is a real turn on for most women.
You didn't mention in your question, if you still feel loved by her. If you do, then the rest can be worked out!
You have been married a very long time, you're both doing something right. Now, open up those lines of communication! I think you will be pleasantly surprised!
You sound like a lovely couple and I wish you all the happiness in the world! Good Luck!
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