A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a man for 3 years. I have stupidly "overlooked" some interesting behaviors on his part including: does he like and respect women? (Example: if it's breast cancer awareness month he goes on about how come its all about women? If during the olympics they show a commercial with female athletes and follow it up with a short history of a female competitor it's what's with all the stories about women? Why don't they focus on men?) If I tell him I miss him and we don't see each other enough, he gets angry and raises his voice to me about how it's not his fault and he simply KNEW that it would come to this and I would grow tired of not seeing each other and how women always need to be entertained "like a circus". (By the way, we see each other once a week. We live in the same city. This is because HE is too busy and very unorganized). When I try to help him in a variety of ways (put important dates on the calendar for him to reference, shop and cook and leave him food to eat, dry and fold his laundry, etc. it doesn't appear to help at all. He seems and acts just as angry, exhausted and behind schedule as he would if I didn't help him at all. I often go out of my way and/or put off things of my own to help him out. I certainly don't mind it, but it's really hard to swallow when I see that it didn't seem to take anything off his plate that had any palpable impact. He's incredibly picky. We had dinner at a restaurant recently and afterward he wanted to see the end of a soccer game at a bar. Fine with me! But he went on to bitch and moan and complain that the TV was at a bad angle, he had to turn his head too far to the left, why did that guy have to stand right there, etc. etc. Jeez! It's crazy making. Anyway, the other night he got upset about something that really was no one's fault. Just one of those things that you learn a lesson from and don't do it again (too long of a story to go into). I knew he was upset, so I sent him a text saying to try to relax, we just wont let it happen again next time, that it was a good lesson to learn, etc. In an effort to look on the "bright side" and just move on from something that neither of us could do anything about. He was not having it. He eventually sent me a snarky text saying that he did not want to talk about it. To be fair, he DID say this earlier, but HE continued to make comment about it. Anyway, I left him alone as he asked. BUT I now haven't heard from him in 2 days. I am not going to call him. In my opinion he acted like a big baby. He has such difficulty rebounding from anything that makes him "annoyed". He uses this word "annoyed" all the time. Everything seems to be "annoying". We talk about getting married, but I don't want to be married to a guy that seems emotionally unstable. I don't like the silent treatment. Especially since I don't feel as though I did anything to deserve it. I wonder if I'm being just as big of a baby as he is by not contacting him. I don't want to be a tit-for-tat kind of person. But this is the second time in 2 weeks that something has gone wrong and he gets disproportionately mad about whatever it is. I seemingly can do nothing to make him "feel better". I have tried to empathize, sympathize, look at the bright side, the big picture, etc. I don't know what else to do. I'm not going to call him, but I look at the phone every 5 minutes to see if he's tried to contact me. Of course, he hasn't. I am starting to get angry. He most likely will contact me today because it's the weekend. Being that we haven't seen each other, there's been no sex. So, he'll probably call or text and want to pretend that it's okay to ignore me for 2 days because of something stupid. What do you make of this? Am I being unreasonable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2014): As I was reading your post I was thinking, 'just wait til he goes through male menopause', then you'll know it, LOL. But, seeing as you haven't mentioned his age, but have put your age brackets as between 41- 50, I'm wondering if this could be part of his problem. Men go through male menopause between 40 - 5oish some earlier some later and some worse than others. If you can I'd maybe suggest he get his hormone levels checked.
Ok, secondly, if the first is not part of the problem, his behaviour is simply childish and boy do I really feel for you! You've more than met him halfway and been willing to ignore his comments or let them slide. I guess it's up to you if you're willing to keep putting up with it as it is bound to get worse later on and do you really want to be stuck with a 'cranky old man' (stuck with one myself atm and not fun at all, LOL).
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 March 2014):
 Life is simply too short to be around such a pain in the ass.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (1 March 2014):
 Think of his silence as a lucky escape and keep your fingers crossed that he doesn't contact you anymore.
There is nothing you could possibly do to make this man happy, he's the type of personality that will suck the joy out of everything in life.
As anon reader says, is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? Can you see him as an ideal role model to your children or an appreciative, considerate, loving husband? My guess is no!
My first boyfriend was a lot like this guy and I eventually got angry and moved on and I can honestly, not a day goes by I'm not grateful that I did.
You're unappreciated and taken for granted, I say rethink this relationship because you sound lovely and deserve someone who treats you as such.
I hope this helps AB xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): I'm around your age and when I read your post I just want to fly across the world, grab you by the hand and drag you far, far away from this man!!!!!
"Big baby" is what you say in your post. This is exactly what he is. He sounds like the kind of man who has never grown up and matured enough to be accepting of others and is dependent on a woman to baby him but underneath is seething with anger because he feels, at an unconscious level, impotent and like a perpetually frustrated child. His mysoginistic tendencies towards female athletes and women with breast cancer are all part and parcel of this but are worrying in their own right. He's a woman hater. What sort of man says things like that about breast cancer?
What bothers me is why on earth you are with this man and for so long? Do you have a tendency to mother men? If so, please look into this trait or you will keep attracting the same kind of man. He sounds vile and his attitude stinks. Get rid of him PLEASE!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): I can't imagine everyday being like this for the next 60 years. Can you?
Also - cooking for him and leaving him food and folding his laundry? Why? You have your own sh*t to do in your own household. That encourages him to take you for granted in my opinion. You're not hos parent. Does he reciprocate in some way? Or say thank you?
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