A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been dating for 4 months now, we work together. Me and this girl (both 23 years old) started working at this job at the same time. Obviously every male co worker wanted to hang out with us, since we were new and they all flirted with us. During this time he started pursuing me but only after 3 months we got together and started a relationship which he told since the beginning that he was serious about. My bf has a flirty, joking around type...he has been like that since I knew him. The thing is even before we got together I got very jealous of this girl, because we hung out as a group at work and I was very mad when he gave her attention, made jokes with her or even flirted with her. And everyone at the office noticed this about me. Then when we got together I told him that this was really bothering me and if he wanted to continue the relationship he had to stop interacting with her so much, like making jokes, flirting (eventho he said he didnt flirt), or even him hanging out at her office. He said that between them it never got inappropriate, he just liked talking to her as a new friend, that she has a bf and that he was never hiding from me when he hang out with her. Also that they never got together after work. My jealousy started going crazy, we fought so much about this, I got obssesed with this. The thing is, as a female I know she likes the attention he gives her but I cant accept this. After several fight and uncomfortable situations he did change his behaviour, never texted her and had normal interactions with her (only good morning goodbye). Now he got a promotion and they have started having "the normal" interactions again, and we started hanging out again as a group, he started making jokes with her again and Im going crazy again I cant stand this! I was never hostile with this girl, ive been her frien really, and she always tells us what a great couple we are and talks about her bf often on how they wanna get married. Am I overreacting? Am I crazy for being so madly jealous over this? How do I overcome this? I dont wanna ruin this relationship, he has told me several time that if I keep going like this we won't last because I got bat sh-t crazy over this.
View related questions:
at work, co-worker, flirt, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 Yeah you are, you cannot be that insecure and demanding in a relationship or it will kill it. You need to learn to have trust and confidence. Most importantly you need to relax.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2017): Your possessiveness and insecurity is going to be the death of your relationship!
You're very cognizant of this bad behavior; so you have to be an adult. Bite your lip and settle-down, Missy!
Being territorial and excessively-jealous is a sign of immaturity. It's your insecurity overruling your common-sense, and it's poisoning your relationship. Everyone gets jealous. No one likes competition for their mate; but it has to be controlled and managed; so no one suffers for it. Neither you, nor your mate.
NO!!! You do not go tit-for-tat to make him jealous! Your jealousy is self-admittedly out of control. If it wasn't her, it would be any woman in his path.
As for your job, you can cop an attitude with her at your workplace; and you'll find yourself looking for a new job. Your boyfriend isn't deaf, dumb; or hasn't gone blind just because he met you! He will remain attracted to women; even while being your boyfriend! You should hope so!
I have a hunk of a boyfriend. I get jealous when guys eye-ball him; but then again, if he's attracted to me, I must have something he sees in me above others. You have to realize this is why people commit themselves and become exclusive. Being flirtatious is a need for attention, and it's empty flattery. It's harmless, unless it persists and becomes more intense. You're simply jealous he even talks to her. Your obsession is fixated on this particular female. If she disappeared, it wouldn't end there. It would move on to any other woman he dares to look at!
You need to work on your self-esteem, and trust-issues. You need to believe your boyfriend can actually care for you enough that he can control his behavior around other females. You also need to believe you deserve to be loved.
You had best learn to control that bratty little-girl inside you who refuses to control her outbursts and instigating fights.
You need to "shut yourself up" when you feel jealousy rising in your brain! Your jealousy will also become self-fulfilling prophesy, by making you sabotage the relationship until it ends on a bad note. You'll blame him, and every future guy you do this to.
Somewhere in your past, someone abandoned or hurt you. You apparently never got-over it. Well, if you want to be in a grown-up relationship, you better grow-up!
Irrational jealousy will always feed into suspicion. You claim he's flirty; but the problem really isn't his. It's yours!!!
Do yourself a big favor! Get a grip, Girlfriend! He'll tire of your insecurity and the fights. Trust me on that!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2017): Yes, you're over reacting. Stop it. You're going to drive him away and alienate her and probably most of your colleagues. It's your problem, get over it or lose him.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 September 2017):
 My dear...No matter what relationship you are in...Jealousy will destroy them all. Jealousy and hate go hand in hand. Jealousy always leads to hate. And hate always leads to ruins.
You are insecure...question is why? Do you feel the other girl has something you don't have? Body wise, you both have the same things. The only difference is what goes on in the mind. Do you lack a certain confidence?
You are both fighting for attention...why? Why do you want attention? It is better for you to get the attention of a hard worker, with a sound mind and good judgement. Getting attention from men who are after what you have between your legs, is not the attention you need...That kind of attention normal comes with names and negativity you do not want.
If your BF feels he has a need to flirt and get OTHER women's attention, and not yours...then why are you wasting your time with such a man???
This is where you start training yourself, by asking these kind of questions..."What kind of man do I want to marry someday?" "Do I want a man who wants the attention from other women, or just me?" "Do I want a man who feels the need to seek out other women, or just me?"
If you are looking for a man for just you, and the one you have is not looking for just you...then what do you do?
You are fighting to hold on to someone who does not give you what you want....why???
...............................
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (28 September 2017):
 Firstly, if you don't trust him enough to chill over this, you should not be with him. Next, if he hasn't shown that he respects you enough to be respectful of your wishes, you should not be with him.
Look, you're jealous because you're Very and I mean incredibly insecure. You need to let that go or you will never trust anyone and you guys will keep fighting because of your own insecurity.
My advice, analyze your relationship. It's either the both of you change, or it has to end.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2017): "Am I overreacting? Am I crazy for being so madly jealous over this?"
Not necessarily, but you're blaming the wrong person. She's not the problem, HE is. If he really wanted to stop what he's doing, then he already would have.
"How do I overcome this? I dont wanna ruin this relationship, he has told me several time that if I keep going like this we won't last because I got bat sh-t crazy over this."
By realizing your so-called boyfriend is an immature jerk who gets off on getting attention from females because it makes him feel like a "man" when it only proves otherwise AND by understanding that a guy who is so blatantly inconsiderate of your feelings, makes excuses to justify his boorish behavior, and throws the blame back at you is a scumbag who has zero respect for you and so will treat you like a doormat at every opportunity.
I would also strongly suggest you get out of that workplace and find a job where employees are expected to act like professionals.
You also need to grow up. It is much more likely than not that if you continue this way, then you could very possibly end up making a scene that will get you and him fired.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2017): I’ve learned over the years that harmless flirting never did anyone any harm. As long as it’s just that, flirting. Now, when I hear that they actually text each other, that is what concerns me. Have you read the texts that they send each other? I’m a waitress and I tend to bat my eyes and flirt with guys that come in because of the extra tips, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go home with them. I just want some extra gas money.
Because she’s so close to you guys, it makes things extremely uncomfortable. Your SO should NEVER flirt with someone you consider a friend. You’ve brought this up to him multiple times and he still can’t take the hint. Try flirting with other guys at work. See how he feels about that.
...............................
|
