A
female
age
41-50,
*il_nina
writes:I am guilt stricken and need to pose a question anonymously to see what to do:I am single and have been so for some time - 5 years in fact. At the beginning of this year I went to a wedding with friends, and my best friend ended up soooo plastered her husband and I tsk tsked her, got drunk ourselves and ended up in bed. As far as we know, she never found out. While she was away recently, he called me out of the blue to tell me he was 'home alone'. I did not respond. This last weekend I invited them over for dinner, he turned up alone, I insisted he tell his wife to come over, so she did, with the kids, and we had a fun night. But when it was time to go home he said he was staying at mine...on the couch (yea right) and I didnt say anything. She let him!!!! The inevitable happened and now I feel so so guilty its not funny. What I dont get is why she hasn't ben after me with a pick axe. Also it has occured to me that this would be perfect grounds for divorce for her if I say something with the casualty of my name through the mud big time. I wouldn't be able to show my face amongst my friends if this got out. I want to talk to her about this but need to be smart too....what should I do, talk to her and have it out in the open, have a clearer understanding of their relationship or drop them as friends all together ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I am glad that you decided to stay away from your friends husband. I also noted that you have blamed them entirely for your indiscretions and have not have the ability to condemn your own actions. Blaming them for you having sex with your friends husband is just a cop out. No one held a gun to your head and forced you to have sex with him. You are an adult and you freely and knowingly helped yourself to this "strange and toxic man." I actually loved your recent choice of carefully constructed sentences. Who are you trying to fool here. You have not been an innocent by stander in your encounters with your friend’s husband.
“I've decided not to broach my friend about this because I think she has quite enough on her plate contending with him to add anymore angst isnt going to achieve anything.” The only person you are trying to protect here is yourself and not his wife. You do not want your sordid deeds know to common friends and family. Clever, clever, clever woman. It is called blame shifting.
A
female
reader, lil_nina +, writes (19 April 2009):
lil_nina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ginalolabgigida,
I have taken your advice and backed off completely. I really feel that their relationship is very strange and quite toxic to anyone around them. Its not what I want to take any part in. I've decided not to broach my friend about this because I think she has quite enough on her plate contending with him to add anymore angst isnt going to achieve anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): an affair by any other name is still an affair.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): what do you feel guilty about:that you had sex more than once with your friends husbandthat your friend knows that you have been having sex with her manthat you are deemed easy by her husband and he can have you anytime because you have made yourself available to him againthat your other friends will shortly find out the real you and will keep their husbands away from you."casualty of my name through the mud big time. " it is obvious you want to do the crime but not do the time. CLEVER."I wouldn't be able to show my face amongst my friends if this got out" - SNEAKY DEVIL YOU. You want to enjoy your friends husband without being caught out. Just like an adulterer."but need to be smart too" What a good friend. Yes, think smart of how to explain away being the home wrecker that you are going to be labeled.Which of the above makes you feel guilty? That you had the gall to blatantly have sex with your friends husband while she trekked the kids and herself back home. Alone. I almost forgot. You actually kept the dessert ONLY for her husband. And what was that, YOU. Deliberately sneaking, deliberately conniving, deliberately underhanded.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): " But when it was time to go home he said he was staying at mine...on the couch (yea right) and I didnt say anything. She let him!!!! "Just so easy for you to blame his wife. You should have there and then told your good friend that NO. In fact you wanted her husband so please do not lie about your guilt.If you people were such good friends, the wife would not have even suspected her husband was getting it on with you. Lots of friend crash on the other friends couches. You just wanted him in your bed.I have more respect for someone who says, HELP me I did wrong, help me I screwed up, help me I am a mistress. But i do not have the time of day for someone who sugarcoats her wrongdoing, blames the wife and helplessly and shamefully lies about her activities. You enjoy playing with your friends husband. She has what you do not - a man, kids, a home. You want it, honey you can have it and her heartache and pain, her misery and her humiliation. Her husband called you up and told you he was home alone because he knew that you wanted him, you were easy and he just wanted to get into your pants (again). Why because he knows the type of good girl you are, the type who would put your best friend to sleep and screw her husband in her home. The type that would invite his wife and kids around yet help yourself to her man. The type that will stoop so low and continue to do so, yet cry the sick lame excuse cry, I screwed my friends husband again and feel so guilty. Please grow up and account for your actions. Do not hide by making excuses and shifting the blame. Be an adult for goodness sake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): ummmmmmmmmmmm, first time you helped yourself to your friends husband, you felt guilty. second time you both helped yourselves with his wife's blessings, and you are feeling guilty again. why sleep continuously with your frinds husband and then confess to feeling guilty. how would you feel if she disrepected you and your friendship by screwing your husband if you had one. so much respect for her you have shown."I wouldn't be able to show my face amongst my friends if this got out. I want to talk to her about this but need to be smart too...." you are not concerned about screwing her husband but you are concerned about your friends finding out that you are a home wrecker. You continue to do the wrong but want to be smart about it. You have some big questions to ask yourself and you need to be honest about yourself. It doesn't help saying one thing, yet your moral speak volumes about your lack of morality. What a good friend you have been. You have ripped your friend to shreds, by taking her husband for the night again. You have destroyed her world, her kids world and her family life. This friend should divorce her husband then you both can have each other. Believe me, then you will not want him. Friend, no my dear, you are not!
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