A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello :)Okay so I have this close guy friend who I am quite literally crazy about. I have known him for about 6 months now. The problem is he is a huge player, and an even bigger flirt, he will flirt with any girl whatsoever. But I really like him. Recently I gained a small crush on another guy (I no longer like this other guy) and he said that he wasn't right for me and I should stay away from him. He always comes to me if he has problems and I helped him to realise that he always leads girls on, now he's trying to stop. I had a crush on him AGES ago, then I got over him, back then I told him I liked him and he said he only saw me as a close friend, but I can't help but think he just thinks of me as his little sister. For example whenever I saw something funny and/or stupid his reaction is usually "awww youre so cute" and one time we were talking and I smiled and he pinched my cheeks and went "you're so funny". We often joke about loving each other, I just wish he wasn't joking... He said to me that he flirts to give him confidence and he pretends to be someone he's not. Surely he wouldn't open up like this to someone he likes? I am sick of being thought of as the amazing friend and I just wish he would realise that. Please help I have no idea what to do :( Thankyou in advanced!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): I see this in 2 ways: Your problem; His view.His View: here is this guy who is what we might call a "natural flirt" - he doesn't try to flirt, it just happens (he might may not even be aware he is). I'm sure he likes the female attention, he may even feel obligated to fit in this "player" role you see him in.Then he's got you. he's probably more comfortable being himself around you, he's not trying to impress you/get in your pants. He comes to you with problems, seeking advice where he couldn't get it from his guy friends. You're the close female perspective (deep down inside, he loves this). Then he becomes your "big brother". Sure he cares for you, he's happy to have your advice, he's happy to hang around you, he likes protecting you; he loves you, but he's not IN LOVE with you.Maybe he never had a little sister, and you fit that role perfectly for him.Your problem: here's this guy you really like. He flirts non-stop with girls, you're sure he likes the attention. He confides in you about his problems/needing advice. You think helping him in this manner makes you better girlfriend material. Honestly, you were just making your 'friendship' stronger. You've told him how you feel, but at that point in time, he'd rather have you as a friend than as a girlfriend.I see 2 ways for you to be together: wait till he's an weakened emotional state, then pounce on him (bad breakup, horrible month, really stressed out)orGet out of the "friend" role. He doesn't see you as a potential girlfriend cause you're always a good friend/little sister. Gaining a romantic relationship may mean having to sacrifice a friendship. but who knows...I'm no expert.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): How old is this guy friend relative to you? That might help. If you are the same age, then you're probably around the same maturity level, and I can't help but wonder why he would be treating you like his little sister. Maybe he is the teasing type?
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