A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey :) ok this is will be long but i could really use some help so please take the time to read it :) basically i like loved this guy *bob* for 3 years. its crazy, it started way back in year 10 as just a crush, and then it got so much deeper, i couldnt stop thinking about him! i was only like 15 so i just pushed it aside, we were mates but not close or anything and i darent tell him i liked him, so i left it. anyway i liked him more and more, u know silly stuff like always checking his facebook and waiting for him to come online? i would get butterflies whenever i saw him, and he could always make me laugh, even when my best mtes couldnt. he was so cheeky and cute and a genuinely lovely guy. the one that every girl in school was after, yet he hadnt been with many girls and his confidence wasnt as high as people thought, just the perfect sort of guy for me. cocky but in an adorable way, he could open up and show his not so confident side, you know? and even though we werent especilly close i really cared about him. we got a bit closer and hung out and stuff but he never knew how i felt, but then one time we got very drunk and i did blurt it out and he smiled and told me he was shocked, and that he had no idea. the next morning he didnt remember a thing anyway, he was so drunk and throwing up and i spent the rest of the night looking after him, and i never said anything again. by this time over a year had gone by, we had finished school and stuff. im now in my second year of college and its been 4 years since i started liking him. i dont like him anymore, and he has a girlfriend and im very happy for them, shes a nice girl and to be honest we dont speak much anymore. my problem is, i liked this guy for 3 years and he never knew, i cried over him so much especially as we got closer and stuff and the poor sod never even knew how much i liked him and how miserable he made me! it was one of those things, i was so miserable from liking him so much but trying not to show it, because i never had the guts to say it, but being around him made me so happy at the same time. and it was little things, like every morning we'd see each other at the shop befre school and we'd catch eye contact and neither of us would look away for ages, we'd just look at each other. and at the prom he was looking over at me all night and i was waiting for the right moment to say something to him but it never came :S and no, im not a stalker lol. i know its abit strong coz we never went out or anything but its hard to describe online how we were together. anyway, a year on ive FINALLY stopped liking him, i mean i think after liking one person for so long ill always have a soft spot for him, but yeah im not the same with him anymore. but the problem is OTHER guys! its almost like i cant feel anything serious for another guy, and i dont know why?! is it because theyre not him? and its him ive always wanted? because *bob* didnt like me, or so it seemed, i feel like why would anyone else? im so down on myself, i hate the way i look and my body, im not fat but i about a size 14 and i dont feel comfortable in my skin at all, and sometimes i feel like this insecurity has come from him! it isnt his fault thats the worst thing, if id just told him and got it off my chest i wouldnt have been so hung up on him, and it makes me angry that i had to have those feelings for someone who clearly wasnt interested.. i know we've all sort of been there but come on, 3 years?! it makes me angry because i wonder who could ever love me? i dont know if its just my insecurity problems or if liking someone and silently suffering comes into play a bit as well, but i guess the question is what do i do?! with every guy i like i hit a wall. i like them but as soon as we start hanging out more etc i run away! all of a sudden i dont want to be arond them and i dont like them anymore, and i just dont know how to change it! ive thrown away countless possible opppetunities with some really great guys and i dont want to continue doing this! but i dont know how to change it, its really starting to bug me. please help?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (6 September 2009):
 I say don't let the feelings you had for *bob* be the the thing you compare all your new guys to, be open to the fact that your new guy likes you and wants to give it a try with you! Strong feelings develop over time, don't be afraid to be patient with them. Just cause you dont feel the way u did with *bob* doesnt mean you wont be happy with them.
But you cant keep going at your rate, searching for that feeling you used to have, you may not find it again.
Realize this and give your new partners a try!
Hope i helped x
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (6 September 2009):
Ok, you are thinking to much into your new relationships, obviously *bob* (nice random name btw) was the 1st and only person who you have felt these feelings for, but you are comparing your feelings you had to him to the feelings you now have for your new boyfriends, you feel that just because you dont feel the way you did for *bob* means you don't like this guy and need to find someone who makes you feel the way you did for *bob*?
I say, don't feel the rush to have the feelings you had for *Bob* on the new guy, give him a chance, strong feelings develop over time.
Hope i helped you x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): I think the biggest problem here is confidence. You sound like a smart, caring, and great girl and you have to see the best inside of you. Don't worry about the past, don't worry about people who bring you down. Surround yourself with people who always lift you up and make you feel good. Be proud of yourself and who you are. Don't be afraid to go out there and enjoy your life. You might be pushing people away when you first start connecting with them simply because you are afraid of them later rejecting you. You think what's the point of putting your time and emotions into someone if they are just going to let you down. You cant be scared though. You cant give in to your fears. You need to put yourself out there, find an amazing guy who will treat you right, and just try to have a relationship with him and try to find true happiness. We cant see the future and we don't know what we will happen, but we will always regret if we don't take that chance. We cant look back on our lives and constantly wonder what if? We need to go out and live our lives to the fullest and never be afraid. You can do it, you just need to believe in yourself.
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