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female
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anonymous
writes: There is this guy I like but he is extremely outgoing and I am reserved. He is very sweet and a gentleman. I am told that he likes me too, but I’m feeling confused about his feelings for me and about an aspect of his character. I have never met anyone quite like him before - I don’t know how but he manages it but he seems to become best friends with almost everyone he meets. He seems to have this certain something that everyone loves and I can’t put my finger on what it is. It’s not charm as such but somehow he is very easy to talk to which I haven’t experienced to this degree with men before. We happened to bump into each other at a social event recently and my goodness, he worked the room!!! I can’t understand how he’s managed to become best buddies with everyone really because he’s only been in the area a little while but can count nearly the whole area as his friends, whereas I’ve lived in the area all my life and I’m lucky if I can get anyone around here to say ‘hello’ to me, let alone a conversation. Now you would think you would trust the person who has lived here all their life more than the relative newcomer, wouldn’t you? And yet, he seems to be invited into everyone’s homes and lives (including ours - for example, my Mum invited him to our Christmas party, and my Dad thinks it would be brilliant if me and him got together; Dad’s never liked my boyfriends so for him to suggest this is nothing short of miraculous!!!). Another example is that he has been invited to go and stay with ex-neighbours of ours who now live the other side of the country and yet we didn’t even know where they had gone!!! When I travel home from work, say 10pm, I see his car outside a different property in the area what seems like every other night on yet another social call. (I must stress that the places I have seen his car at have been family homes, not single girls or anything like that!!!). He told a relative of mine that he loves meeting people, but it almost seems over the top as he is out almost every single night. Is it normal to go out every single night? I think it’s because I am reserved I find it so hard to understand this. Are there any amateur psychologists, who have known this type of person, who can tell me what they think his secret formula is around people and how you become like it? With regards to his going out all the time - could it simply be that he doesn’t like his own company as I know he lives alone but doesn’t like it? Even so, I like my own company once in a while Could this manic social life be masking an excessive desire to be loved or accepted by people? I know this sounds like psychobabble but I can’t help feeling that there’s an underlying reason why he’s like this and I want to understand this characteristic of his.
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (15 December 2005):
 This guy really does sound special. Going out every night is no big deal, especially if you are a people person and you live alone. Since he is relatively new in town he may feel like he needs to go out and meet people so if he gets invited he goes. I don't really think you can say for sure how to become this type of person. If you are interested in being a person everyone can talk to, I would suggest you fake it at first until it becomes natural to you. At a party you must act confident, walk around the room making eye contact with everyone, give smiles and say hello, make it look like you care about each and every person. It will be hard for you at first, no doubt, because you say you are very reserved, but you can over come that. If you like him, tell him. Sending subtle hints and waiting for him to pick up on them is not enough most times. Many men appreciate a woman that is able to speak up about how they feel. And don't over analyze everything, just because he is an out there type of guy does not mean he is compensating for some weird phsychological flaw. Good luck.
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (15 December 2005):
 Call it what you like: Character, charmisma, charm, allure, appeal, magnetism. Personally I like to call it "mojo"... Sounds like this gentleman has it in SPADES. If you're lucky you are born with it, if you're not you can learn it to a degree - but most people don't. He sounds like a fascinating guy, why not talk to him and talk to him about what you see in him. He'll be flattered, you might learn something and you may get closer. Good luck and let us know what happens.
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