A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We have been dating 9 months, 7 of the months have been pretty serious. We are both divorced and he has a four year old little girl who i get along with great and he has equal joint custody of..... I spend the night often but i make the decision to leave before she awakens whe she is there bc i dont want her to know I spend the night yet (four year olds ask LOTS of questions ha).anyways as time has gone by things are great, never thought I would find someone I get along with love and enjoy as much as we do each other. We are both very happy and communicate slightly well, BUT we haven't said I love you! There has been many times when it seems to be an "all most", but it just has not happened. We both came from hurtful relationships which we rarely if ever discuss, so I know on my part this has been a major factor. Other couples that are around us often, tease/ask when are we getting married, having a baby blah blah. Normally we just laugh it off and never discuss it. I know I am ready to say it, and I am okay with being the first to say it, but should I first or just wait. I have never been the one to say it first, I wouldn't even know how to start? HELP!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): First, tell him that you want to go to marriage counseling together...
Then, when his eyes are wide open in surprise tell him "Because I love you."
He won't forget it.
Neither will you.
He will certainly get the message.
On a personal note,
My wife said to me "Would you run away if I told you that I loved you?"
I said "No!" Later that night, as she was half asleep, I told her "I love you." by whispering it into her ear. She's never forgotten it.
It should be unforgettable.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Say it when it comes naturally, and afterwards tell him that it is ok if he isn't ready to say it yet. He might still need some time, and besides you want to be sure he's not saying he loves you back just because you said it first. If you tell him it is ok if he is not yet ready, you will get a genuine reply.
However, I think it is not difficult to see on a person you love if they love you back. It is the the way they look at you, touch you, speak to you and about you. And if you feel you love him, it is likely that he loves you back, as true love is a feeling that grows between a couple, and not just by itself. It is a love you share between each other. And if you feel it he feels it too. But feeling it and saying it are two different things.. he could be very nervous and need more time to think about it if he tells you he loves you back. But I am sure he will say it back soon.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Just let it slip out. Probably quietly, in the middle of the night. Whatever feels right. Don't hold it back, as it sounds like a really good relationship, and I don't think you will do harm by showing how close you feel to him. Not now. Now, I think, would be ok.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 If it feels right, you truly feel that way then just let it come out naturally. It's very possible he's holding back like you are. He doesn't want to mess it up, or for you not to feel the same way, or get a "thank you" in response.
I always say if it feels right then better out with it, then hold it in..Say it when you mean it and I have no doubt you mean it.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I don't think you should be worried about saying it first. If you both came from difficult relationships then he may be having the same doubts you are, thinking to himself "Should I say it? Will I scare her?".
My suggestion is to be just as honest with him as you are to us now. And if you two are going to continue to be serious, it would be a good idea to at least be open to talking about past relationships. This shows an honesty and trustworthiness that can only strengthen a relationship.
Just be honest with him. Tell him you are very nervous but you want to say it so bad to him so you're just going to say it.... (and then do it).
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