A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've wondered whether my boyfriend is a faithful person. I always notice inconsistencies in his stories concerning his past relationships. Like he has told me about a girl he dated for five years, and I remember the time frame that he said he dated her, from like when he was 25 to 30 approximately. Then in a different conversation he will mention having hooked up with other girls at some point in his past, that coincides with the same time frame that he was involved with that girl, like he forgot that I remembered he had said he was supposedly involved during that time. I brought it up one time and he said that he and his ex of five years had been "on and off." While I guess it might be true I still find it very suspect. And if I start digging, he never seems to "remember" exact time frames or details or anything, so I am left with more questions than answers. I put myself in his shoes, and if I had been in a relationship for that long and broke up with that person and had a fling, I am positive I would remember the fight that led to the break up, that led to my hooking up with another person, etc. Conveniently enough, he doesn't. He says it is all kind of a haze to him...which I find weird...I know about another girlfriend he had dated for a couple of years in his early 20's. Then just the other day he mentioned another random hook up/incident that later on I realized took place around the same time he claimed he was dating this girl.He's lying about something. Was he in a relationship? Was he not? Are these hook ups made up? Am I just being paranoid and the time frames are in fact consistent with the break up? I just don't know. And he is certainly not clarifying this. And according to him, he has never cheated but he claims his relationships were "on and off." Were they "on and off" at his convenience? Were these women aware their relationship was "off?" Did they just have a small tiff like all couples do and he assumed that meant they were "off" and he was single? And like I said, when I pry he assures me he has never cheated, he was "on and off," and he doesn't remember specific time frames or details....so asking is of no avail. As for he and I, I have never found anything too suspicious. I always know his whereabouts, he's never done anything shady like blow me off or not come home, or turn his cell phone off and disappear....But that I have no proof that he may have cheated on me doesn't concern me as much as the possibility that he is the type who would if the opportunity came up. Like if we got in an argument and didn't speak for a day, would he assume us to be "on and off?" I think one's past is very telling of one's present. But because he explains it so vaguely when I confront him, or has a good explanation for everything, I can't be sure that he is in fact a cheater. But I feel like he's lying about something. I just don't know what. Could somebody please provide insight into what the truth might be? Maybe if you have been in a similar situation...Any insight would be so appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2013):
 The past is the past. If he was a cheater in the past, it does not mean he is a cheater now although it would give you more reason to be vigilant.
I sense you are trying to catch him in lies…. He may not truly remember… I don’t remember a lot of things from my past… and sometimes I mess up dates… hence I now write everything down and often will say “I will have to check my journal”…. Some folks have bad memories for dates and such.
IF in the current relationship there are no problems why are you seeking them out? Why are you trying to prove he’s a liar and a cheater? Are you looking for this bad behavior for a reason? Do you want an excuse to end the relationship?
IF you are concerned about how he defines on and off... ASK HIM.
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