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female
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anonymous
writes: Still thinking about friend's husband (Forbidden love Dec. 05). My friend and her husband have now separated. I have confessed my feelings to him, he was flattered but completely unaware of how I felt. We both agreed that I am probably feeling this way out of sympathy for his situation. We have not discussed this issue again.He is still trying to heal and move on from his broken marriage. I am still married and my husband has no idea of my feelings for this man. I am trying to focus on my husband and children. But my thoughts are consumed by him. We have talked a bit lately about his marriage problems but that is all. How can I move on from these feelings before I jeopardise my own marriage? Should I tell my husband? I don't think I could and I know it would devastate him. Is this an obsession? Help
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2006): I think it is idiotic to tell your husband how you feel, but it would be wiser to talk to a close trustworthy friend or a counsellor who will challenge your way of thinking without telling you what to do. Once you have crossed that path of telling your husband, it could trash the friendship with the other person and it is possible you will get over it in a couple of months. I think you should ask the 'friend' to make an excuse not to come round while you deal with these feelings and I congratulate you in wanting to preserve your marriage. Try getting closer to your husband by reminding yourself why you fell in love with him and perhaps do something together that will reignite your passion for him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): Please talk to your husband, the pain he might feel when you tell him you are feeling a bit weak about this man is nothing compared to the pain he will feel if you allow things to go on and become more involved. I know from experience that this is a dangerous time for your marriage and the appeal of a man who you can see needs you is overwhelming. Please look at your husband and remember that he needs you too. ...he trusts you and has been your life partner, he doesn't know his life could be about to change forever. Once you cross that line your marriage will be changed forever, you can break your addiction to this other man, seek counselling to find why you are feeling lost in your marriage. Save it please. Don't cause your husband to cry, he will cry so hard you will be forever tormented by it. Take a step back and hold on to your honesty, your integrity and your self respect and remember you hold your husbands heart in your hands. TALK to him.
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