A
female
age
26-29,
*etchemimi20
writes:Alright...---Well I guess I should start explaining my spot in life. I'm a freshman in highschool and I'm an all around person kinda girl. I never believed in friends but always acquaintences. Just to keep wild emotions out. Im patient, reassuring, entertaining, and just positive.But all of these IM's, turned to WAS.In the summer before highschool the first person in my life who I accepted to be my first bestfriend, I slept over her house and I was awoken to her father pulling down my pants slowly and fitting his hands underneath. I never screamed because I thought if he would do this then hitting me wouldn't be a big deal. I just groaned and shrugged around so he would leave and I can get out. The last thing I was able to say to her was-"My mom wants me home early so can you walk me to the driveway?"That had bursted my heart. The law became associated in with this and once my bestfriend found out she bitterly shut me out her life. He wasn't arrested yet and the man still lives two streets down. I had bottled up so many traits that brought along with me.I was astounded by how that sort of thing happened to me. I mean, it's not rape, but still. And now I'm still recovering from being hit by a car on my way home walking from school. Whenever someone speaks to me anger rises and lashes out. I feel like people are treated too well. Or just better then me. I'm still heart broken from this summer and now my pride is pounding. I have always been the deal-with-problems-on-my-own type. I want people to see me as normal. Now I just rawly feel used and joked and laughed at. I dont know which direction to look at in life anymore. The positive side turnHed bitterly negative. Help?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 May 2010):
 I'm glad to hear you are talking to someone. I'm a little worried that you are just trying to stay distracted. I see how that is helping you to cope and it is necessary. I hope there is also some treatment going on. That may be harder for you to talk about. You may never be the exactly same person you were. We are, after all, made up of the sum of our experiences, good and bad.Thanks for the follow up.FA
A
female
reader, metchemimi20 +, writes (15 May 2010):
metchemimi20 is verified as being by the original poster of the question How am I? Well I guess I've gotten a better grip on a few things. So the taunting pain isn't always staring me in the face. I surround myself with things to distract me as much as I can. Or when I think about it Im actually always on the move to not have time to let my mind wander. Only time I cant distract my mind is in class. It wanders at times. Well I have a few more people I speak to. So that helps me out also. The progress between me and "her" hasnt changed. Which may be good in most cases. Still trying to increase my ability on achieving this obsticle, but all of your answers and advice REALLY helped me and had me plan out and think of what I was going to do about this. I appreciate this. Thank you(:
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 December 2009):
You have some good advice here, but one thing is missing, you need a counselor. You are hurt and you need a professional to help you put the pieces back together. Since you live in the US I know there are resources available to you. Your school counselor, or you local public health district office. You need to talk to them about the way you feel, and that you don't like it. I know you think you can handle this on your own, but that would be like putting on a band-aid after your car/pedestrian accident. It's just not enough for what you have been through.
FA
BTW you didn't mention your mom she should be your best support.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 December 2009):
It was sexual abuse, which is as bad as rape really. and it was very cruel and I'm sorry he wasn't arrested and that your best friend shut you out. Sadly sexual abuse and rape are very hared to prove. Your best friend either can't believe it, or she refuses to believe it. You sound like you're slipping into depression, and you also sound like you have a huge amount of anger in you that is going to cause you serious hurt further along in your life if you don't get help now. Of course you're hurting, but please don't make the mistake of trying to deal with this by yourself, because I'm not sure you can. You are a normal girl. You're not different or weird or anything like that because of your experiences. You're a normal girl who has been hurt and used. I'm sure you don't want to talk about it, but you need to. Be brave and speak about how you feel to someone. It will help. And with enough love and care your life will get back on track.
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A
female
reader, fluffyblueslippers  +, writes (30 December 2009):
Dear metchemimi,Firstly, I do hope you're recovering alright from your accident.Is there anyone at all that you think you can speak to? If not your parents, some relative, a pastor? It's difficult especially if you prefer dealing with problems on your own (I'm exactly the same), and this is not exactly easy to say, especially if someone knows you personally. Assuming that speaking to anybody at all is not an option, then firstly you have to deal with the incident that sparked everything. I think you know without anybody saying that that "bestfriend" of yours and her family is not worth your acknowledgment. Delete them from your life the best that you can. Avoid them physically, if you think about it, try to distract yourself from the hurt that they've caused you. And this goes for whatever's connected to them. It's not possible 100%, but try your best. The next thing is to keep yourself busy. If you can do this, say, concentrating on school, getting a part-time job, getting new hobbies, anything at all, then you can give your mind and emotions a break. Hurt and anger takes time to heal, and even more so than physical scars. Maybe if it helps, try to do it somewhere further from where you're used to, like in the next town, if it's possible. Sometimes getting away, or "escaping" can make you feel better, like a fresh start in a completely fresh place. Or at least just somewhere you're not used to, like a new environment. When you say "I want people to see me as normal" - I'm afraid that's going to be difficult. We can't control how people see us. Even if you were the most normal person in the world, there's going to be at least a few lousy nuts who's not going to be happy with you, or see you the way you wish to be seen. The only love you can rely on is from your own self. I'm not telling you to shut people out completely, but always remember that humans, it doesn't matter who - family or friends - may let you down. Be prepared for that. One of them already has let you down. In every relationship you have with another human being, take it with as many pinches of salt as you can. Always remember that in the end you have to be the one who stands up and looks out for yourself. But don't let that be a reason to lash out at people. Just be forgiving, because it's just human to disappoint other people. I mean, it's just human nature, we can't help it. Do your part by being someone who doesn't let other people down, but be prepared when someone lets you down.Assuming that you're atheist, ask yourself then why is it you think it's worth living. I don't know what your religious background is like so I'm not sure what kind of position you might be in those terms, but at your age (and you really sound very mature for it) it's time to think about what you're living for. Is there something you want to achieve? I can't tell you what direction to look at in life, but talk to some people about it and maybe they'll share it with you. And maybe you can get some ideas and inspiration from what these other people say. Most importantly, give yourself time. Lots of it. At once you think that life feels bearable, and tolerable, and maybe, somewhat, normal, let yourself think about what has happened. Reflect on it, and accept that it happened, and you survived, and it will contribute to making you a little wiser. I say this because sometimes, it's just too painful to think about what has happened when you haven't given yourself a chance to recover emotionally. If you let the pain heal a little, then it might be more bearable. But if you feel that you want to confront it right then and there, then it could be better for you to think about it now, accept it, and move on. Take up martial arts. I highly recommend it if you can find classes somewhere near you. It will give you an aim, keep yourself busy, give you more confidence and the ability to kick ass. Plus all that physical punching, kicking and exertion lets you vent your anger.If you ever need a listening ear please post or mail again anytime.
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