A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i met a man who is older than me. a great man with all kind of good qualities that would impress any woman. but when time was passing by and i talked to him more he was playing the field when young and he has had unprotected sex before. i am not virgin but i dont have much experience either and he says he doesn't have any std. on top of all, he thinks that getting tested means i dont trust him. he says that once he agrees to get tested we should have unprotected sex and i like him a lot but i always want to use rubbers and that is not going to change. i was thinking, why there are so many guys like him? otherwise he is a wonderful guy. i am not willing to take the risks he took when he was living his happy single life. why some men have this mentality?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Be glad you are female.
A man saying anything negative about a woman's wild sexual history is unacceptable around here.
A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (11 December 2010):
Well then don't agree to it.
You are entitled to insist on condoms, every time.
He's entitled to decline - in which case part amicably.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe admitted that he slept with a woman who had herpes but he claims he didn't catch it. i don't know if i can believe that. i know he would hate me for holding that against him since that was years ago, he is also very hesitant about being tested. he wants me to trust him but i can't take that risk. if we get tested together once the result comes he will want sex without a rubber and i don't want that. i dont know what to do. it's a shame, he is otherwise a great man. safer sex has always been the best policy along with negative blood tests. like i said before, i dont want to fall victim of the risks he took when he was younger and single.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): I am going to open your eye's to a value that most but not all men will hold. Men will sleep with a woman they do not love. Men can even go as far to sleep with a woman they do not like. Women usually don't have that instinct. That usually is a big break down. Even if it's a one time deal or longer, women base sexual relations on their feelings, as for men they do not. I must say that I have done my fair share of running around in my times and up until recently still have. I can tell you men are all about "circumstances." If the shoe fit's wear it, is how most men feel but not all. I know I am probably not making this easier but I thought I would give you a real insight into men and their thinking. Men can be referred to pigs but really when you break down the feelings and what's behind it you would understand men a bit different. We view things differently. Take me for example; Sex with someone I do not care for is meaningless but it does fill a void temporarily. I know, I know you are probably sitting there asking yourself "then why do it?" and my answer is simple because sex is very enjoyable as really it should be. One could argue on many platforms that sex leads to std's and things associated with that. I for one can tell you that I have been with more women then I would ever admit to truthfully. This is not in shame but in lack of understanding from my partner. If you want to be a good driver then get in the car and drive. It's not complicated. Men always are pressured to perform in anything they are doing, sex is no different. It's not because of how a woman feels but how it's taught to do your best at everything. Take a look at the commercials on tv these days, it's one after another of sexual associated drugs. Now onto this guy. I for one do not blame him nor anyone else for not using condoms. I will use them and have but if I had to take a guess I would say 80/20 in favor that I do not. The feeling is not the same on many different levels and you women have to know that also. I think when you are having a sexual relation with someone it should be talked about and there are things one can do to properly make sure they are safe as can be. Don't forget condoms specifically state "Do not protect against STD's." I have been very selective on who I have slept with. I am not the guy at 3AM to pick up any random person. This is all confusing to you and I understand. It's just as for most men trying to attempt to understand women. I have been very honest. Now I will give you the advise you want to hear.
Advice: First if a woman is really into a guy then you have to let him know that. Don't be scared to say how you feel. If you are smart and pay attention how he responds you will know if you plan on going any further. Most women hold back their feelings until the sexual tension grows to a point they have sex and then the guy is no longer around. Hmmmmmm strange.... Not really. Listen and watch his actions. He will tell you all you need to know by his touch and feel and the words that come out of his mouth. Men are not nearly sly as they think they are or even remotely close to you women. :) Make sure you set yourself some guild lines going into things. If you are serious then make sure you don't have sex until a certain amount of time, I don't care if it's a date or 5. Doesn't matter just set some reasonable grounds for yourself not for him. Making men wait can work to your advantage but can also blow up in your face. I would hate to fall in love with someone and then find they are not good when it comes to having sex and the whole thing is a big disappointment. So be careful there is a fine line there. Personally women I think you should be having more sex and actually be more selective of who you are with. Another thing I suggest you do while you are single is find a friend that you are close to and could have sexual relations with but keep it only to that. It will help your drive and desire trust me!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): he may be a wonderful guy in all other aspects. but if you are not comfortable having unprotected sex with him, best to move on.
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