A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a three year relationship; we are going to end up together. We recently broke up for over a month and I dated another man, that I really liked but received mixed signals from. Now I am back with my boyfriend and I want to make it work, but I miss the other guy terribly. I have cried about him many times, and even snuck conversations to him without my boyfriend knowing. I feel bad because I love my boyfriend but whenever this other relationship becomes close to finishing I won't let it go. I have agreed to see this man again, even though I know it is not the most honest thing to do. I feel this sense of passion towards this other man, like I need to have a fling. See, the whole reason I broke it off with my boyfriend is because I am freaking out about being committed to one person forever, and fear that I may have regrets seeing as he is the only person I've ever been with. Should I carry on with my boyfriend and forget about this other man? Should I see this other man and act on all my passions? I am not the most honest person, and can live with that, however I cannot live with a life of regret! Please tell me what you think!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): No, you do not see him in secret. It's one or the other, hun...you choose.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just went out with the other guy after a month of not seeing him. It is really fun to be with someone so attracted to me, that I am attracted to as well. I wanted to hold hands and kiss him, but I refrained. Ofcourse now, all of my feelings are coming back. I know that he is not my type and it won't go anywhere but I still love spending time with him. What to do? Do you think it would work if we could just be friends? Should I see him in secret; if I do can I kiss him? I want to have an affair so that I can keep my boyfriend, but still have fun with this guy before he leaves in August for Law School.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Hun, you are in the age range 18-21. You are way too young to be 'freakin out' about commitment to just one guy. This is your 'little voice' telling you..to get out and have fun in life. Enjoy your youth. Dating at your age is a life learning experience. It's how we learn to prepare ourselves for marriage and family someday..to finding that one special person we want to have a future with someday. You may think marrying your bf someday, will be a given but if you do commit yourself too soon without experiencing life first, you will regret that. You could end up married young with a couple kids and it's then...you will have a lot of time to really think about what you lacked, when you were young. . Sadly this happens with people who find themselves commiting to long term relationships when they aren't ready. They tend to focus on what they didn’t have. My suggestion: Break it off with the long term bf and go date the other guy. You may think you love your bf but it's not the kind of love that will see you both into spending a future together. If it was, this new guy wouldn't even 'be on your mind'. yes. Your long term relationship has run it's vourse..timeto say bye to your bf. You aren't ready to settle down and commit. And that's not fair to him. So don't beat yourself up over this. Some people need more time to get to know themselves and explore their expectations of life. This is you, likely. There may be things you feel they need to sort out before committing to any serious relationship, such as education, a career, travelling, exploring other dating situations..a lot of things. Savor the moments that life offers you..be young, have fun, stay positive.. Make a decision that is best for 'you'. Not your bf..not this other guy--for YOU. So now--get out there and sow some wild oats. Set your long term bf free and go have your fun with other dating opportunities. You are young..you need to do this. Just do the honorable thing..if you are going to see this other guy..come clean with your bf. You can';t have them both. That is the most honest thing to do. Your long term bf will grieve but he will move on-rest assured, he will find happiness again. Take care dear and good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): If you are afraid for the sake that he is the only man you have ever been with, maybe what you are feeling is a need to be more satisfied. The passion you feel for this new guy could be what you once had with your boyfriend and miss. You sound like you could use a spark in your relationship. If there are things you want that your boyfriend is not giving you, talk to him about it. Let him realize that there are things that you need, and if he can't give them to you, there is someone else that seems like he can. Just make sure that you really need this and that you are not just giving in to fear.
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