A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is kinda lengthy, as its a rather complicated situation. Ok, so my gf and I have been together for 2 years now, and lately things have just been falling apart. She is anorexic and is extremely abusive (mostly verbally, but she also hits me, too). I try to always be supportive of her and try to help her, but lately she's been distancing herself from me. She always seems angry and frustrated towards me and me alone, even when i havent done anything. She always makes me out to be the bad guy in every situation, and she makes me feel like a terrible person (which doesnt help my already way-low self esteem). I tell her i love her (which i do) everyday and she says it back, but refuses to hold hands anymore. I have to ask for kisses and hugs, and half the time she says "no thank you". She refuses to have sex anymore, citing that she is "tired", when minutes before and minutes after, she is extremely energetic and bubbly. I try to talk to her about these things, but she gets quiet and depressed, and then doesnt talk to me for days. Is she actually mad at me? or just taking it out on me? idk... I cheated on her once very early on in our relationship (in the first 3 months; im not even going to explain, as no excuse would suffice), but that doesnt seem to be it, as she forgave me for that. It probably doesnt help that im an extremely jealous guy. perhaps i am smothering her? but i only have a real problem w/ one guy, who everyone agrees is bad news. I understand the feelings and depression she is going through w/ her eating disorder, having watched my sister endure it and having battled it myself to some degree. I am also worried that i am falling out of love w/ her. i dont feel the same way towards her as i used to, *possibly because i feel unwanted*, and i find myself letting my mind drift towards other women. This makes me feel incredibly guilty. I just really want to get things cleared up w/ her, because she is leaving for college in a month. she is going to California *half a country away* and will be gone for almost 5 years straight. i really want this to work, but i dont know if she does. sorry for the long story, but please help! i feel so confused and alone. what should i do? how can i talk to her about this?
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anorexic, depressed, jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): the only way to save this relationship is if your girlfriend gets the help she needs. if you want to support her through this then you cannot enable her and and you have to realise that 1- her rejection of you and her mood is not about you. its about her self esteem, her depression and her other problems and 2- she may choose her eating disorder over you, its sad but she is in the grip of a dangerous illness and she probably can't see what is best for her, even if she can she might not be able to get herself out of the illness. an ed is an illness not a choice and it can take over your life and your family's and partners lives too. this won't go away over night and she needs help
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Is she receieving any help for the phychological issues she will be having conected to her eating disorder?.
Obviously due to the eating disorder there will be a distruption to chemical imbalances in the brain which will cause depression and this in turn will lead to lack of sexual desire.
Maybe this time apart is what you need, you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about her and be truthful with her, tell her how worried you are about her and also how hurtful it is to you the way she has been treating you lately.
Once you have told her this what you do from there will be dependant on her responce to what you say to her.
Take care.xx.
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