A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Not sure where to start....So I am a 24 year old female and have developed feelings for a co-worker who is also female but is 45years old.We have worked together for over 2years now, we work amongst a team and work with different colleagues. I work 4 on 2 off and 3 of those shifts is with this person. We're both the opposite in terms of she will talk and talk and is open, where as I'm more of a listener than a talker and don't really share. However she knows more about me than most and I have opened up to her about my past in which only a select few know about. We message each other outside of work and snapchat each other. We have also been to each other's houses where we have talked/watched TV over bottles of wine.She has two kids, son 21years and a daughter 18years who has special needs and needs 24hrs care and lives at home. She knows I adore her daughter and have brought her Birthday gifts in which have gone down a real treat.I'm not sure where my feelings have come from to be honest and there also sexual. I would have originally said we flirt with each other and there was something there. There's been times where iv seen she's got jealous when I mentioned or talked about someone else or focus my attention on someone else. Sometimes it feels like we both do things in which get a reaction out of each other to test the water. However recently I have taken a step back and looking in, I'm not too sure whether that's just her as a person. Whether she's like this with everyone but because I'm invested I'm seeing it differently but then I know she doesn't message or socialise with any other colleagues.All I know is my feelings and it's bothering me now not knowing. I keep telling myself that I will disengage and just be work colleagues, not communicate outside of work and be civil in work, trying not to get too close but it fails every time. Iv been out every weekend for the past 4 weekends hooking up with other people, trying to shake these feelings but it's not working. Iv also tried lessening our contact but it fails because I give in and make contact or she makes contact with me and I can't help but reply. I barely go a day without thinking about her, wanting to be there, see how her day is going. I don't know what to do and I'm not sure where I stand and if she feels anything remotely the same.
View related questions:
co-worker, flirt, jealous, lives at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 Their is a lot to think about here, if this goes wrong you will be stuck working with this woman. Honestly has she ever gave you any indication that she is sexually interested in females? You very easily could be mistaken friendship for something more and I would hate for it all to blow up in your face and you be stuck at work with someone who is now awkward and uncomfortable around you. Does she know your sexuality?
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (22 May 2017):
 I agree with Denizen, the co-worker thing is a major issue, regardless of sexuality.
Working with someone so closely, with the potential for romantic fall-out is never a good idea. It would cause a lot of drama, and could potentially affect one or both your jobs. Should anything detrimental happen, it could make the working environment almost impossible.
I would also like to point out something else, which has nothing to do with sexuality - the age difference.
Now, you are supposedly 22-25 and you say this woman has a 21 year old son and a 18 year old daughter, which suggests this woman is old enough to be your mother. That is quite a big gap, and the potential for problems is dramatically increased.
Do you confide in her because she feels more like a mother figure to you?
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (21 May 2017):
 At some point you have to open the topic of sexuality albeit in a general way. You need to find out if she might be open to some sort of advance from you.
Ask what she thinks about lesbian pairings in general. Ask her if she has ever been down that road. Carefully, step by step, you can sound her out about whether you might want to progress your relationship.
However the old chestnut of dating a co-worker then comes up, and you will need to deal with that one. It is often not a good idea.
It might be particularly damaging if co-workers aren't very enlightened. People do love to gossip and they can be hurtful and destructive.
...............................
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (21 May 2017):
You could be an adult and ask her. What is the worst that could happen? She'll say she doesn't feel that way about you and things will be uncomfortable for a while? Well things are weird and uncomfortable now.
If she shares your feelings you two can move forward from there if she doesn't you can finally exit this emotional purgatory you find yourself in. Good luck.
...............................
|
