A
female
age
41-50,
*exfreak123
writes:(Mod Note - OP's own title) I can't say how glad I am to have found this site. I am a 28yo mother of three boys. I have always been very sexual. I can remember masturbating as early as 5 or 6. My first sexual incounter was with the little girl across the street. We were both 6 and got caught playing doctor. I've had numerous partners, both men and women. I have always had a very high sex drive. So whats't the problem?? I also have very dark fantasies. I masturbate several times a day. I've been at work before and had to sneak off because the urge was so strong.Driving down the road...yep been there. I feel like sex rules my life. My husband is not a very sexual person. If I'm lucky we have sex maybe once every two weeks. In all honesty, if I could have it my way, we would have sex every day. I can not be myself with him. I've told him a couple of my fantasies and he's not comfortable with them. How can I possibly tell him my darker ones? He knows I am very attracted to women. He is very insecure with this. I've begged him to take me to a strip club. He won't although he's been several times. I've begged to watch porn during sex, he won't. I've tried some mild fantasizing with him during sex and he says it's a turn off. Point blank, he's a prude when it comes to fantasy land. This is creating a problem for me. I have sexual dreams almost every night. During the day I see an attractive person and can't help but think the naughty thoughts. I am almost always turned on. When I am turned on and can't be satisfied, whether by sex or masturbation, I become very irritated.I find myself flirting with men and women during the day. The sexual attention I get is a high. Oh I could go on and on about how my sexual drive disrupts my life. How can I get him to open up? I've tried to have heart to heart talks with him. I've done some research on over active libido and showed it to him. I honestly believe I am a sex addict. I've taken several online tests and all the results say I am. (Although I don't put all my faith into the answers) He's terrified that I will cheat. Although the urge has been there, I've been able to remain in control. What he doesn't understand is that I believe all it would take is a bit of open mindedness and more sex from him. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A husband and wife on the same sexual wave length is heaven on earth.What is normal for me may not be normal for you.I am not here to judge you.Couple counseling is really good to know where both of you stand.The husband may reveal much more of his feelings before a counselor.Most of the guys don't talk about their feelings.
According to me,sex is really beautiful but with emotions.During an orgasm its not your body that lets go first.Its your mind.That's something to ponder on. ~Mrs.Anon
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (10 February 2010):
Okay... so hold on... you say you have ALWAYS been a very sexual person, and you chose this man for a husband and had 3 children with him? So has this always been a problem between the two of you or has something changed?
It could be that as the mother of his children he is having a really hard time reconciling your wild sexual side. A lot of men see a mother as this sort of pure, non-sexual being. Are you still close to your husband emotionally?
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 I have known a couple of women like you, one who became my girlfriend for a time. It was great fun, but ultimately destructive, as sex became less and less special, and like your husband, I began to avoid it. We worked for the same company in London, and would go to hotels at luchtime, the company sick room, the ladies toilet, and anywhere we thought we could get away with it. I mean five or six times a day! This went on for months.
When I made a serious error with a large amount of money, due to a massive lack of concentration, I was reprimanded, and decided to get my career back on track. She had to go, and didn't do it quietly. I eventually left that company.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your husband doesn't sound like a prude, he is scared of your immense sexual appetite, and wants to gain a measure of control over it.
Obviously we all know that he can't, so you have to do it for him. You don't HAVE to verbalise or try to act out your fantasies. Keep them in mind during sex, use them to masturbate daily, but don't force them on him.
Many fantasies should remain just that - the reality is never quite as good, and often creates more problems.
What are HIS fantasies? Do you know? Have you asked him? Maybe your fantasies are the same, but with him in control, who knows. Talk to him about HIM, and see how far you can get with making him feel slightly more receptive to your fantasies.
Keep up the good work. So far you have resisted the urge to cheat to satisfy your constant lust. I would suggest that you make him aware of how many times a day you feel the need to get off. Set up a camera, and SHOW him. Men don't read between the lines much. They need a blow to the head.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 "High sex drive"- in male or in female, is signature also of high intellectual property. Unfortunately, in absence of right knowledge such person have to face lot of social-psychological, and moral problem. I admire your post that describe all the details, possess by such personality. You are god gifted. I am saying god and not God. The first one represent spiritual aspect, and other one the religious.
I advise you to study Tantra Vision. You can easily get many many web pages from internet search. I am specific in noting your ability to control yourself, and not allow yourself to be promiscuous, I mean careless in choice. You can create real heaven with your this husband, but after learning this science of Tantra only, because there is no other science that deal with human sexuality and spirituality together.
In case you need my guidance, be free to mail me, and call for my guidance.
With best luck.
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A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (10 February 2010):
 I was initially tempted to talk to you about several ways of bringing yourself off to maximum effect, but of course the major part of sex in a loving relationship is the intimacy and sharing, so going solo just won't do it.
If you are still in love and share intimacy, that's where to start: if that isn't the case then your relationship is troubled in more ways than one.
Yes, a counsellor is called for to debate these aspects of your relationship, not just the straight sex side of things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): You are thinking of this three children later.
Wait till everyone pounces on you and tell you that children come first!
Think of your children and work on your marriage. Your husband actually does not sound like he wants to do anything about it. You sound like you have a problem. Even if your husband wanted sex everyday you'd still have a problem... So see a psychologist quick
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (10 February 2010):
 I'm with Emilysanswers here. There's going to have to be some moderator involved in this and some compromise. He wants it once a fortnight and you want it every day, so it's going to never be as much as you want if he's going to be having it more than he likes. Please see a good couple's therapist.
Having been in a similar place to you, wanting far more than my ex was comfortable with, I can tell you that not seeing a counselor was a mistake that had a large part in her becoming "my ex".
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 February 2010):
Wow.
It's clear something needs to be done.
Sex is really important in a marriage and I wonder why you weren't open with each other about your levels of sexuality before you got married and had kids.
I think you need to head to a counsellor and get someone to talk it through with both of you. There needs to be some compromise here. You can't expect him to do things he's not comfortable with, but he needs to help you find your release.
The other option is to go on the pill or some other hormone which may calm you down a bit.
Head to a professional and get this sorted out. Neither of you can carry on as you are as if you aren't happy then it will kill off any love you feel for eachother.
Good Luck!! xx
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