A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner for 18 months, and after 8 months I moved into his parents house after moving out of my family home. (my step sister was kicked out and needed somewhere to live). We've recently started renting a flat together and since moving in I've become very miserable. Every day he comes home from work and plays on his Xbox while I cook the dinner and clean up. I also do his washing and all other household chores - I'm starting to feel like his mother.What's upset me the most is being told not to plan anything for new year's eve as he wanted to spend it with me. At 9pm, his friends pulled up and he went off to the club with them, leaving me on my own.I'm starting to worry that I won't be happy again. The main problem I have is that if I leave him, I can't go back to my family home and I don't have anywhere else to go. I can't afford the flat on my own. What should i do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2017):
 You need to talk to him about it. No point in just giving up the relationship without trying to work on it. You need to do up a rota where you both do your equal shares off cooking and cleaning. Tell him how stressful it has been for you. Also you need to talk to him about leaving you alone new years eve, that was a hateful thing to do and it shows that he doesn't really care about how you feel. I think you may have moved in together to quickly.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 January 2017):
 I agree, look for a roommate situation.
And while you look for that, STOP doing his washing or pick up after him, if that means the house becomes a pigsty... let it. I KNOW it's hard to do but you are ENABLING him to not lift a finger.
Tell him," hey, Bob the trash needs taking out, thanks! Or can you do the dishes since I made the dinner." Don't NAG about chores just state that they needs to be done and you figure HE can do them. If he claims OK I will right after this or that... then accept it and LET him do it in his time. If he doesn't do it that day, remind him the next. Sooner or later he will figure out that you are NO LONGER going to mommy him.
As for New Years? Wow. That would have pissed me off. But now you know that you are NOT a priority to him. ONLY he is. Which might give you some Ooomph! in moving out asap.
Also if ANY of the bills are in YOUR name (like utilities) SWITCH them over to HIS name. IF you have YOUR bank info on bills, REMOVE it or replace it with his.
When you do find a place you can afford, let him know I'd say 1-2 weeks in advance, in case HE needs another roommate himself.
And after you move out? CUT the contact.
Seems to me that you are over this guy, so BE over him.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (3 January 2017):
Look for a room in a house share which will be a lot more affordable than a flat on your own.
But first talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel. It might kick start him into being an adult (but my guess is that he never lifted a finger whilst living in the parental home and he's not going to start now.)
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