A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband is 12 years older then I. We dated for 1.5. Then married. I feel so lonely in this marriage. He complains about everything. Talks about everyone behind their backs. But will not confort them. So i become the punching bag. He allows people to walk over him. But I am the one who has to hear all the complaints. No affection, No sex, And when we do I feel unsatisfied. And a argurment surely comes in a few days..Its only been 3 years. I cry more then I smile with him...He is a older man very grumpy...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): You should leave him!! Noone deserves to be hit. It is better alone than being scared of your own husband or? That is no way to live. Please tell a friend what he is doing to you. Make a plan to leave secretly, and leave when he is at work -- and don't ever go back alone. You can keep us updated as motivation. We are here to support you in finding happiness!
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 A wife-beater/abuser often behaves like this: Kiss up, kick down.
Think of a bad boss, the abuses his employees but sucks up to his boss.
Your husband sucks up to people more powerful then him (lets them walk over him) and vents his frustration on someone weaker then him. You.
It the hallmark of the bully, the abuser and the kind of person you do NOT want to be married to. Really the pattern you describe is so classic it is a cliche. The only thing that would make it more a textbook case is if everyone else thought he is such a nice friendly guy because he is only nasty to you in private.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Have you tried relationship counselling? That can really help. As its easy for people to say leave but a lot harder for you to actually do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): If he lets everyone walk all over him of course he is always depressed and angry. Then he takes it put on you. Was he abused as a child whether at home or in school? You need to not stand there and be a punching bag. Leave the room or the house when he starts up. Or just ignire him and keep doing your own thing. Do not reinforce him with attention. Tell him that unless he starts doing something constructive about his problems, you don't want to hear it he should see a therapist if he needs to vent endlessly.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Hi
He doesn't sound as though he's exactly happy in this marriage either, or with life in general.
Have you told him how you feel,communicated at all? Was he like this before you married?
Don't let him or the marriage drag you down further it needs sorting, I don't think its his age, its just how he is and I doubt things will change.
If you can't find a solution,just go, if its financially viable, divorce him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Being with a negative person zaps your energy. You feel more alone with him than when you were single. You don't have a question here but if divorce is what you think is possible then I fully support your decision. You don't have to wait till your breaking point. If you married him 30 years and then he got this way, maybe you would stick by him. You don't have much ties with him. He didn't give you much happiness so you won't miss him too much.
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A
male
reader, Freded +, writes (20 January 2013):
I think you've answered your own question. You want out of that situation. I don't think it's an uncommon one. A lot of female friends have told me they were in a marriage or relationship for a long period and had no sexual gratification. I don't quite understand how that happens so often but him knowing you're not satisfied could have soemthing to do with him acting out. He probably feels emasculated. At any rate you should find someone better. Don't make yourself take that kind of abuse. It's not good for your mental health to be battered constantly even if just with words. If it is physical abuse tell someone, get away. Take care of yourself.
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