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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing this guy on and off for almost 2 years in a non committed relationship.(I was happy with that for a fair while) It will be going really well he will be calling me all the time and wanting to be having lunch dates,dates,talking on the phone for ages. We will sleep together but not every time we see each other. The connection is amazing. I know his friends now etc. As soon as I would get so close he would freak out, he would be rude and it would go back to not hearing from him again for a few weeks and it would start again.I ended up deciding that I had had enough of him no matter how much we saw the world the same or the connection we had and started dating other people.It hurt me a lot. he said respected that and he still called me to do lunch etc and made it clear he respects I am dating others. He has spent a lot of time of late though telling me how beautiful I am and how he cant believe how rude he was to me, didnt mean them and pushes people away.(also mentioned he likes chasing me though too)Last weekend though we went for drinks together after work. After several drinks and the walk home I brought up about why he pushed me away as he has mentioned something bad happened to him in a relationship years ago.(figured he was just cheated on and needed to harden up and move on!)He ended up telling me that a girl he was seeing for 5 months when he was young lied about being on the pill and admitted that she did it to get pregnant and did it so he would marry her. If they didnt get married he would not see the child (strangly enough her older sister did the same at the same time!)and has not seen the child since it was one nine years ago. None of his friends know and he teared up telling me. (he has another daughter that he doats on)I now see him in another light and know him professionally and personally and know he would never lie.So my question is.. Is this guy honestly pushing me away because of the past and does care or is really just not that into me and enjoys the chase??I am moving on regardless but just really interested to know everyones thoughts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): Whichever explanation you think is the most likely, it could be either of those but you'd have a better idea of which is truth than any of us.
Whatever your gut is telling you is the most likely, the fact of the matter remains, he has some serious emotional issues due to what happened him in the past and until he deals with them he won't be able to commit to anyone.
I think it's best if you just take the most optimistic perspective on this, I think he does want you and yes does enjoy the chase but is just a little bit too messed up to have any kind of relationship with.
It is time to move on and you know it, as that's pretty much what you are doing, just make sure you do it properly i.e. don't keep sleeping with him etc. or you will give your self very little chance of finding someone else.
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