A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused. I don't know if I want to be with the father of my child anymore. I care about him a lot and I know he cares about me but we have so many problems that I just don't think we'll be happy. I tell my friends about the things he has done to me and they say I shouldn't stay with him but I want to make it work since we have a child together. He's been deployed to Iraq and I won't see him again for a year. I told him we should work on our problems before he goes but he said he'd rather deal with the when he comes home. So I think about these problems we have and it makes me wonder why I put up with him. He's selfish, mean, superficial, unappreciative, unaffectionate, cheap, and he won't tell me he loves me. We've been together for almost 3 years! When I ask him if he loves me he says he doesn't know or that sometimes he does! He's very unromantic and never buys me flowers or candy even when I've told him that's the things I like. The only good thing I can say about him is that he loves our 18 month son. I don't want to sound jealous but I feel like he loves our son more than he loves me! Whenever we go somewhere he runs around with our son introducing him to people and being proud of him but he ignores me. He won't even introduce me. When I asked him why he does that he claimed that it's because the people weren't important enough for me to be introduced to. He flirts with girls in front of me by teasing them or calling them pretty. I told him it bothered me and he said he was sorry and didn't realize it was bad. He even talked to his ex wife behind my back and wanted to meet up with her in secrecy! I almost left him several times, but I keep thinking that he will change and that we need to stay together for the baby! The funny thing is he didn't even want this baby he told me to abort it! He got so scared he ran away and dumped me when he found out I was keeping the baby. He didn't come back into my life until I was 5 months pregnant. I gave him a second chance then because I wanted my son to know his father. He would tell me I couldn't buy things for my son or myself because we had to save money, yet he'd go and buy himself a new computer! He acted as if we were dirt poor when we were actually well off, we both worked and I couldn't even spend my own money the way I wanted! Even his family is on my side and tell him that he needs to be nicer to me and to stop being so cheap! I'm not a quitter and I want to do everything possible to make it work. I even suggested couple therapy and he didn't want do it! He said when he comes home from Iraq we can do it! I don't know if he means it. Instead of missing him, I have been able to open my eyes and really see how bad our relationship is. When I lived with him I was so miserable. Everyone noticed how depressed I was. Now that I'm away from him I'm happy again. I don't like the person I am when I'm around him. I don't know what it is but when I'm with him and become so negative! His negativity rubs off on me and I'm normally a very happy and positive person. My mother tells me to stay with him and be happy that at least he doesn't beat me!! She says I need to sacrifice for our son. She did it for me and my brothers and sisters. So what do you all think? Should I still try and hope he changes or just break up with him when he gets home from Iraq. I won't break up with him while he's out there and have decided to just support him and put our problems aside for now. I don't want him worrying more while he's out there fighting.
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female
reader, ForeverDawn +, writes (16 January 2010):
 No leave him you have a right to be happy your son can still have a relationship with him visits child support and everything else Sorry to say this but your mother has a very old fashion point of view if you are a good mother your son will be happy And you have a right to move on no one will judge because of it and your son will thank you for not making him live with an unhappy mother!!
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