A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI lead an untraditional life, I am an Arabic female in my late 20`s, I am not a rich Arab, in fact I am from a poor/ developed country, my family/society are fanatics religious and everything is judged based in a certain mentality, no need to explain all of that as i wont have enough words.My family made my life hell, all because I didnt fit in, I knew their argument inside out, I knew what a good girl/woman is ought to do/be yet, I didnt think that at 15 I should be covered up, actually I didnt understand why should i be covered up, im neither insanely beautiful nor ugly and im not ashamed neither shy about the aspect of being me. All of this is just an introduction.Things got violent, I was a rebel, my society rejected me and shamed me, even my local mosque talked about me publicly and the reason was (I hang out with a group of friends who happen to be Christians and some of them are boys) they said I will go to hell and demanded my family to do me a virginity test to estimate how bad is our loss (I am a Muslim girl from a very religious background after all) they took me by force companied by all the neighbours to a doctor to know if I didnt have sex.. the honour ay (sarcasm), needless to say this is a memory I am not keen on remembering as it led to me going through FGM.The worst thing is.. I was a virgin :) I just had a nice personality and lots and lots of friends who I did npt care about their religion, family back ground or life style, I was so innocent and loving, I believed in equality and fairness, I believed that good will win with logic after all, and I believed that I can change my family/society and make them see what I seen.The only thing that made my life beautiful was loving someone so deeply, my soul mate, the boy and now the man who fills me with pure joy, he is like drugs to me, makes everything feels good.Ironic thing is that my life is to the extreme.Bad things happen, my uncle who is beyond being fanatic wanted to end my shame when he knew I was in a relationship with a boy and that was it, they beat me up and abused me.. I ran awayDont ask how because it took years of planning.I ran out of the country the minute I could, but in the process I have giving up on my soul mate and big part of me.Now, after almost 10 years, I lived in few European countries, made it all-right in one piece with my dignity intact and my freedom in my hands.I am settled down now in the UK, married to a man who is simply amazing and loving and I have a very handsome and lively young baby who I adore.I still talk to my family every now and then just to let them know I am a life and well even though I know how much they hate my life and parts or all my personality.My problem is, deep inside, like the core of me is sad, always been sad and never admitting it or saying it outloud but I have missed him (the person I was in love with) so much it hurt, he blames me for leaving him andd I have stopped talking to him the last 7-8 years because he have took it so bad and he couldnt let go of me, i told him i let him go to love again but deep inside I lied.I know, Yes I knowHe is truly my soul mate but the love my husband and my child together with my current life is what I need and want.Am i so bad to let go real love for different love and better life ?How can I foget him and stop aching for him ?
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christian, muslim, neighbour, shy, soulmate, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 June 2015):
 Some people make a HUGE impression on us, emotionally, physically etc. My first BF is still a person I'd say I love. I love him like a brother though. We shared SO much in those 4 1/2 years. Mainly good things. He was GOOD for me and GOOD to me. THAT is not something I forget, or plan to forget.
He just WASN'T the one, I would eventually marry and have kids with. My husband was/is.
I think YOU should DO yourself the favor of NOT spending time fantasizing or having "what if" moments (if you do, you need to shake it off) because it DIDN'T happen and it WILL not happen.
He was a VITAL part of your life 10 years ago. He will have been a vital part of your life in another 10, 20 or 50 years. But you are the WOMAN you are today, NOT because of him, but BECAUSE of you!
I'm sure you know JUST how your life would be if you had stayed. You would have been miserable. And HE wanted THAT for you, more than for you to have your FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE. Think about that.
He let YOU go. Time for you to let HIM go.
Let him be a nice memory of the past. Live your LIFE in the here and now, and think about the future. He isn't part of that. Neither are your family and those who hurt you in the past. you HUSBAND is, and your child is. CHERISH that. ENJOY it, you DO deserve it.
And I'm glad you found a way out. That you found your voice and your wings. Now... soar and sing.
A
female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (4 June 2015):
Your soul mate may have even moved on? He may have changed? He might be married and in love and would never leave this woman? He might be gay? He might have a child, and be a dad, who is bashing his daughter because she has the 'wrong friends' ? lots of options there. He may be possibly yearning for you too?Things change, and you are reflecting on one snapshot, it was real at the time, but he might not be that same person today as he was back then.You have a choice to make the most of it with your current set up, or you can reach out to this man, and find out if he is willing to get to know you again, and move to the UK to make a life with you? That kind of stuff cannot happen over night. You have made big plans in life and achieved them, so I imagine anything can be possible, the same should apply to this man, if he in present day wants what you want, then he will need to make that happen. Not you. You've already gone to great lengths to achieve your goals. He needs to meet those now.Seems a shame to spend time in a day dream, wishing for something that may not be real? Be happy ! If you're husband isn't the right man for you for whatever reason, maybe you need to break up with him, and make a life with you and your son.Congrats on standing up for what you believe in!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2015): He could have followed you. If you did it, if you escaped your country, he could have too. What kept him there? For men in Arabic countries is much easier than women to do what they want.
I think now you need to concentrate on your family. If you desided to marry your husband and have a family with him, you kind of made a choice.
We all have fantasies, but then real life takes over. Our boyfriends/ girfriend's remains in our hearts, we go back back to the beautifull moments together our whole lives but in reality we raise our kids and try to have good marriages.
It might now be a big help to you, but time heals. I am not saying you will forget your soulmate, but with time the feeling. Won't be as strong and sharp.
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