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female
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anonymous
writes: i am a 29-year-old married female having a 1-year-old child. A month back i made friends with a 20-year-old male on the internet and have been in constant touch with each other ever since online and over the phone. He claims to have fallen in love with me and says that he wouldnt do anything to upset my marriage, he just wants to be allowed to be in love with me and be there for me whenever i need him. We just met once over coffee and found him to be just as caring and tender as i had thought him to be. I too feel for him and give him mush talks over the phone and although i am not neglecting my duties towards my husband (who off late has been psyching my brains in various ways) i feel guilty inside. Am i cheating?? pls help.
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female
reader, xLEAHx  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 NO personally i wouldn't say your cheating your just feeling guilt because you know that its wrong the way you feel towards this guy..i think you are falling for him..his giving you the tender loving care and affection you may be craving for,and are not getting at home.... his your daily dose and puts you on a high ..its been a year since giving birth and a womans emotions and hormones are still all over the place ..and women sometimes need a pick me up..they need to still think thier sexy and attractive to the opposite sex..what you need to ask yourself is ..are you happy at home ? is there something lacking in my marriage ? if so then you need a good talk to your husband to try and correct these problems and tell this guy that there can be nothing more then friendship if your not happy at home and you have tried your best to rekindle the love then your have to think twice about what you really want and what your be giving up..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006): There is no issue here..you are getting way too emotionally involved with this man and that's so unhealthy because it means you have both let down your emotional boundaries. You are giving this online fellow, your intimate self and your heart. And that should be reserved for your husband.
Move on and end this now. It's getting out of control.You are winding up and becoming way too dependent on him for your daily pick-me-ups and perks, and that is sucking your love/committment away from the very people who deserve it the most-your husband and your family. There's way too much at stake. You will end up with nothing-no self-respect and you will end up losing the respect of your husband, your marriage will end and your life will be turned upside down, all for a few magical moments online. It's gone too far. I would get you and hubby into marriage counselling..pronto. It sounds like the communication skills in your marriage need a lot of work. The commitment of marriage opens people up at their very core and the best come out but sometimes the very worst, comes out. Change your attitude and save your family and marriage. Your husband loves you-your child loves you...think of them. Make the best choices, dear. Take care and be very, very strong. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006): Hmm, the bigger question is why are you on line in the first place making friends with young single men when you are married and have a child? Are you bored? Do you have work or something that fills you up with self love outside of just your marriage or family life? Are you relying on your primary relationship with your husband to fulfill all of your needs in order to be happy, and finding this is falling short of your expectations? My guess is the answers to these questions are you are bored, not working or do not have a fulfilling career of life outside of the home, or not close to family or friends that are important and are in the circle of your married life...maybe work on changing those things about you and your life, and you will find that you don't go "looking" for male companionship outside of your marriage with strangers to make you feel excited and alive or good about yourself...something is lacking in you, or maybe you need to spice up your romantic life by turning towards your husband and not away....lots of new parents let their friendship slide with eachother when they become parents. Put your marriage first, and fold your child into that, stay away from clandestine meetings with online strangers...read a romance novel instead.
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A
female
reader, ButterflyonFire +, writes (27 September 2006):
 It sounds like you might be falling for him too. Just because it's online doesn't mean it's not cheating. He may say he only wants to be able to love you and be there for you and not mess up your marriage, but one day you two might meet for coffee and he'll see if you'll let him kiss you or more. And that's when the online stuff becomes an offline mess.
And as for your husband. I don't exactly know what psyching of the brains mean, but do you think he's doing it because he has a clue of what's going on? I mean online things are differant then offline by far. You can send someone a picture online and then tell your husband or bf, but ya know, it was just a pic.. nothing happend. But there is always the chance of meetings and phone calls that lead to other things.
I'd be careful about how I talk to the online guy. And think about what could happen and how it could affect your marriage and your life. You don't want to do something you'll regret later and then have the nagging guilt that you could have simply nipped it in the bud with a message and a click of the mouse.
~Jamie
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (27 September 2006):
 Anything done behind someones back and lying to someone and that is something that the other person wouldn't approve of is cheating them in some way in my eyes, whether this is classed as cheating all depends on the people involved as everyone has their own rules and boundarys on what is and isn't cheating but you obviously see something wrong in what you are doing if you haven't told your husband and if your here questioning whether it's wrong.
Hope this helps :o)
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (27 September 2006):
 Does your partner know about his existence? Does he know you met? If not, I believe that by keeping secrets, you're lying and that to me is cheating. Ok, it's better that you haven't slept together, but the longer this goes on, the higher the chance of something happening. Especially as he loves you, that can be quite a powerful aphrodiasiac. Ask yourself 2 questions: Do you have any feelings for this man at all? How would you feel if you discovered that your partner was doing this behind your back? When you have your answers, you'll probably know what to do.
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