A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really have no idea where to start. My brother passed away 8months ago from an infection in the valve leading to his heart, it had ruptured and he had gone into cardiac arrest the night he was staying over at my house, I was with him from the moment he felt unwell and I did everything I possibly could to save him, he was being sick and he was struggling to breath, so I'd Made sure he was comfortable and I made sure I never left his side... He was eventually taken to hospital after 45mins of the paramedics had been trying to resuscitate him but devastatingly the doctors and paramedics were unable to save him. Me and my brother were very close, he was not only my big brother who looked after me and protected me, he was my best friend, the one I always went to for advice, I'm now in a really messed up situation and I really have no-one to turn to. I've fallen in love with someone I really shouldn't have, for personal reasons I don't want to go into too much detail about why I shouldn't have fallen in love with them, but I know from an outsiders point of view it will be seen as 'wrong', but I can't help myself, from the day my brother died he's been the only person that has truly been there for me, to support me, to encourage me, to love me and to look after me. My problem now, is i am finding it increasingly difficult to hide the way I feel when we are around other people, and I am starting to realise that one day, what we have will have to come to an end. I don't want to hurt anyone, so by keeping our relationship a secret we are saving many people from unnecessary pain and hurt.But In turn I am suffering myself... I really do love him with all of my heart, and that will never change, he has done so much for me, and without his love, support and encouragement I dread to think what kind of state I would be in...I can't help but think sometimes, it might be best, for the both of us if we ended things sooner rather than later. There are certain things in life that I won't be able to give him, and I would hate to be the one to stand in the way of his happiness. As much as it would destroy me, I just want him to be able to find true happiness and I want him to have every good thing in life that he truly does deserve...I'm so confused...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's really difficult to describe in words the situation we are both in.
I've been thinking over the last few days that it is probably for the best If we both end what we have, I know I love him, just there are no guarantees for our future & I need to know where I stand...
Not like that makes it any easier having to let the one person who truly understood me & the one who truly stick by me through the hardest time of my life go...
Just this situation isn't making mine or his life any easier & I never wanted to make things difficult for either of us.
I only ever wanted to love, support, encourage, understand, help & look after him as I watched him grow into the wonderful man I can see beneath all of his hurt...
Thanks for the advice :-)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): I'm guessing he's your cousin, sad to hear about your brother's death. Maybe your family would eventually come round to the relationship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe isn't married, he's not in a relationship either, it's a little more complicated than that. I would never be able to truly express how much this person has helped me through such a difficult time, he was very close to my brother also, and we have been grieving together. He lives 3hours away from me, and I only get to see him once a month at the most... But we speak everyday.
We have known each other all our lives, and we have also been quite close, it's as though he caught me before I started to fall...
I will be forever grateful for everything he has done for me, the love he has given me, the support, the guidance & much much more.
I'm petrified that If I let him go, then I will feel asthough I'm losing my best friend & im not sure I can cope with another loss...
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (18 December 2014):
Hard to give good advice without more specifics, but I'm inferring from your verbiage that perhaps your guy is married?
It is hard to see things clearly and logically when you're in an emotionally vulnerable state, which you certainly are. But your heart and gut are telling you this is wrong. So either way, you are going to suffer emotionally. Either by knowing you are compromising your morals and values, or by losing something that you love that has helped you through this difficult time.
Perhaps it is time to let go. You have used this relationship as a crutch to help avoid dealing with your grief. Face your grief. Allow yourself time to heal and learn to lean on yourself, not this other guy.
You might benefit from some counseling.
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