A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 43yrs. all of a sudden decided he has no desire for sex or affection. I asked him what am I suppose to do and he said he didn`t know. He has affection for the children and grand children but not me. Now the kicker--we haven`t had sex for three years. I feel so lonely and depressed. I want my husband back. I have a lot of large animals (horses) and dogs and that`s where I get my only affection. I`d leave him in a jif but I wouldn`t have the finances to care for all my animals. Have I already lost my mind for staying ? If he has to give me a kiss it`s a cold,peck. He has always been very jealous of me and had to always know where I was and what I was doing,he had an affair a long time ago and I have forgiven him but I`ll never forget how humble he made me feel. He won`t talk about this or council. I love affection and love to give it but he just jumps away from my touches. Should I stay ?
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (12 October 2008):
 For financial reason you want to stay in the marriage. To me you are saying finances mean more to you than feeling loved. The options this presents are to find a lover or get out there and get some good female friends. Having female friends may give you the "connection" and companionship you need. It could be if you get out there and enjoy your life more that you will become "interesting" to your husband once again.
In my personal life, I chose to be loved over finances. Granted, I am able to live and raise my daughter on my own but I don't have the "extra's" I used to have but I also have gotten to a stage in my life where material things are just that "things". They can not hug me at night, they can not tell me I am beautiful and they can not hold my hand when I am scare and lonely.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 I would get out of the loveless marriage and find a lover to fulfill your needs.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Live it outAs you get older, you need the companionship more than the sexIf you can find another lover then go for thatBut after 43 years in a marriage, it may be difficult to find another lover
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 October 2008):
 This kind of thing rips our hearts. It is so sad when love fades along with shared sexual attraction, but having experienced all of those situations to some degree, my reluctantly offered solution is meager. For 12 years I have somewhat regretted the end of my mostly ideal 23-year marriage in 1996, although the problems were more financial rather than sexual.
Addressing your writing, you seem to describe an emotionally desolate situation that would certainly require serious attention. Do not burn bridges, but it would seem a time to attempt some kind of resolution. The problem is, none of us really like to be corralled - at least not in Texas. Ultimatum is not a good idea considering all the years of history with your husband. I was thinking - could you try to be especially sweet over the next several days? Sweetness works pretty good on me . . .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Wow...my now ex spouse and I went sexless for an entire year. We were both subborn and did not want to yield to the other's needs. It got worse after that...and I ended up filing for divorce. And now, after 16 months of divorced life, I want to reconcile with him.
I should have stayed in my marriage and continued to work on it. Some men do not like to think about "issues" that relationships bring. He would not go to counseling when I first mentioned it. He did finally go after I filed for divorce. I should have jumped on the boat and gone with him.
He's changed enough for me to want to make another try. However, he's seeing another woman, now. He says that he cares deeply for her...he was careful not to say he loves her. But, he went through Hell with a broken heart after our divorce. So, now I am waiting to see if he wants to reconcile.
I would say to find your faith and pray, pray, pray for his heart to soften towards you. Keep trying to talk with him. If he's not having an affair again, then you hang in there.
Have you tried to spice up things in the bedroom? Have you tried sexy night gowns? Try to take an exotic dance class, but make yourself interesting again. Try not to spend too much time with your animals...but try to find the animal in him.
Does he have an annual check up with your family doctor? Are there medical issues that he has not shared with you. Be supportive and let him know that no matter what you care and love him. There is a book called "The Care and Feeding of Husbands"...try it.
The best of luck to you and may God answer your prayers...He is listening...let's just keep praying for a change. But, be the type of spouse you want...keep loving him to death.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): You have to get out hun, you only live once, and when there is no chemistry in your relationship, its just not worth it. Honestly, if you get out now, you will discover just how many fish there are in the sea. It is not worth living the rest of your life not feeling loved and appreciated as you are worth.
All the best.
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