A
female
age
36-40,
*ayleigh K
writes:I am just over 13 weeks pregnant and can't seem to come to terms with the prospect of being a single mum, but at the same time have already developed a bond with my baby and know that I couldn't bring myself to have it aborted.The father is making things even harder by saying that he won't pay child maintanence and that he will get the child taken away from me.It all seems impossible and I just don't know what to do. I feel so alone. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 To those of you watching this thread with me: I want to apologize for my awful spelling and typing on that last post. Embarrassed I did it late at night. Anyway no offense taken, we all have different experiences and opinions. To help you all understand let me give you my background. I have 4 adopted siblings, and for natural siblings. One of my brothers and his wife cannot have any children of their own. So adoption comes to mind easily. I have had several neighbours and co-workers who are single mothers and I see how hard they work. They do do okay and most of the kids are great, but it is not easy. I tend to be more traditional, perhaps because I have been married to the same wonderful woman for over 20 years, but I am open to others ideas. Thanks for lending an ear.FA
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (12 November 2008):
 Are his parents interested in helping you? The child will be their grandchild and perhaps they might want an active role in what is now a family matter.
He is obviously too young to be a father even if biology made things otherwise. Hopefully he will use the proper protection in the future and that his parents have a very long chat with him.
What do your parents think about this? They are as well going to be grandparents. Are there parenting classes in your area?
You don't have to go though this alone. But you already know he is too immature to be a part of the baby's life.
Use protection always because you could end up with several children and several fathers in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): No offence to the person below me, but I don't believe giving up your child for adoption is the best option here. I was raised by a single mother and in turn learned a lot of lessons about life, and you know what I wouldn't have it any other way because my mom loved me and cared for me just the same as if my father would've been there for me as a kid.(if you've ever watched gilmore girls our relationship was sort of like that except she wasn't so young when she had me (22)) Some families are just different its a fact of life, especially single fathers and mothers which are more common. You seem to have motherly instinct already. The babys "father" is not needed. Cut off contact with him. If he doesn't pay child support so be it, you can just take him to court if you really need the money. He won't be able to take the baby from you. Its his way of trying to scare you out of this. Just remember this decision will affect your life forever.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (12 November 2008):
Wow guys can be such schmucks. First thiing get some counciling and secondly get some legal advice. The father (and I use that term very loosely here) is definatly out of bounds. It is good for you that you live in the UK there will be a lot of government paid help for you. I'm going to sound a bit old fashoned here so take it with a grain of salt if you must, childeren do better in famalies with a father and a mother. The father / spermm donor seems to be unwilling to be a real Father. The better choice for your child could be adoption. I'm not saying you are not a good mother or a good person. I'm just putting thee childs welfare first. FA
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