A
male
age
36-40,
*][KE
writes:Thanks in advance to those that read this,I need an ear,I finished uni this summer and had to move back home with my parents, and I'm still trying to find a job. I have little in the way of friends; as many have moved on and my best friend left the country for New Zealand. I also had a brief relationship that ended up being a complete stressed nightmare. I'm lonely and find myself spending majority of my time stuck in the houseAnd I hate myself for getting jealous...I get jealous of my friend having a good time abroad. Jealous that my ex just moved on instantly. Jealous that friends are getting jobs. I hate logging into Facebook, seeing them tagged in photo's having a good time, while my life quite frankly sucks.I am confident and know I'm a sensible person within myself. Things could be so much worse, but this summer has been one knock back after another.I try to just get on and deal with it, but my spirits are flagging. Anybody got any tips for keeping ones chin up?Thanks again, Mike x
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male
reader, Viajante  +, writes (24 September 2010):
Hey Mike, first you have to know that you are not alone. About 6 years ago I read a book called Quarter Life crisis, exactly about the doubts people feel when they are around 25 and just out of university. Also, I recently read a massive piece on the New York Times (Google "What is it about 20-Somethings?" to find it).
Basically, society is very complex today and people lead their lives in very different ways. I know a girl who got married at age 17 and recently had her first daughter (she's 25-26 now). I also know a 38 year old woman who never got married and is getting back on the dating scene now. I have a friend who's 28 and has the professional development of a 38-year-old. I've met a guy in his forties who seems completely lost in life.
The whole point is that people's lives develop differently and you cannot let a job or a relationship define WHO YOU ARE. 6 years ago I was in a similar situation to yours. Since then, so many things I could never have imagined have happened. Professionally, I had a succession of "false starts" and I just came out of a 4-year relationship (mind you, she did go on a rebound after a week, but it doesn't mean she moved on). And also just quite my job, so on the surface, there isn't much in my life either. However unpleasant my current situation is, I am very hopeful about the future and feel that I am in a really good position to make the right choices both professionally and romantically.
So, my first advice for you is DON'T GIVE UP. (Check Nick Vujicic on Youtube, if you are thinking of giving up). This could be a good time to take a course on some computer apps you never really understood (I still have no clue on how to do make a power point). Do you speak another language? This is a great opportunity to brush up on that and try to become fluent. OR Simply travel. Back pack a continent for a couple of months, or even a few weeks, this will refresh your head.
Important is for you not to stop. Keep moving, force yourself and something is bound to happen. If you don't do anything, than nothing will happen. Have you spoken to your parents about this? If you have understanding parents things become that much easier.
Finally, I have to ask you if you have any kind of faith. I know religion isn't super popular these days, but for me, trusting that God has a better plan for my life has kept me going and gave me the courage to leave an unhealthy relationship and many a bad job. And I know Christians can be judgeamental pricks, but a good community can be as helpful as a bad one can be harmful. And my church has been really essential to me lately.
I hope this answer helps, mate. Just keep walking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): i understand completly the way you feel as im going through the same thing. i actually went through a phase of ruining my friends happy moments as i couldnt stand to see them getting more enjoyment out of life than me. now im just stuck in a phase of depression and self-loathing....i sit at home in my room all day, wondering what life could have been like if i listened, and learned when i was in school, or if i trained for that dream job i wanted when i was younger. regrets, regrets.
life feels like one big circle, a motion, it goes round and round from day to day and it never changes. im just sick of it. ive felt this way since i was 19, im now 23 and over the past few years my feelings have went from problems to illness. i now suffer from social anxiety disorder.....i have trust issues which have left me with 2 only two people who will put up with me as a friend. i also fear love, ive never kissed or even hugged anyone, yes im a virgin....the thought of sex scares me. i wish things were different and i didnt think or act this way, but i dont have the self motivation to change my life, but i hope you can because i wouldnt wish my feelings on anyone, not even my worste enemy....if anyone can help, please....im desperate
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