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female
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anonymous
writes:I'm 24 years old, and am in my last year of university, of doing a law degree. Things looked very promising, but I've recently found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend is very supportive, and he's a doctor with a secure job, so I know that we could support the baby. I've never really wanted children particularly, and now is definately the wrong time to have a baby. But, I feel so happy to be pregnant, I can't wait to meet my baby, and everytime I see something that reminds me that I'm pregnant, my heart starts pounding and I can't help but smile.This baby could potentially kill my career, and is definately not what I'd wanted out of life. My boyfriend and I have quite a turbulant relationship, at times it can be perfect, and it can also be really stressful. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): recognize that, in spite of the fact that it isn't what you planned, you love the baby you're carrying. it's natural- you're supposed to; it'd be rather odd if you didn't.
then also recognize that there is more than one way to be a good mother.
go see a private adoption agency. you don't have to decide what you're going to do- you don't have to commit to anything- just go see one. go talk to them, and tell them what your story is, and listen to them.
from the way you phrase your question, it sounds like you're trying to decide whether to keep the baby and raise it or end your pregnancy. there are some women out there who may honestly feel nothing when they discover they're pregnant- the life inside of them doesn't mean anything to them. that is clearly not the case for you. since it isn't, i think that terminating this pregnancy just isn't an option, at all. you will be haunted by it for the rest of your life. you will wonder whether you did the right thing, you will feel guilt, you will have nightmares. there are studies that show women who have abortions often have serious long-term negative psychological effects. they may be exaggerated by the rabid pro-lifers, but there's a kernel of truth in them. it won't be a hard decision that you can make, and once you go through with it, you'll just be glad to have it over and done with.
having the baby, on the other hand, very well could be. it'll be hard- don't get me wrong. no unplanned pregnancy is an easy emotional walk. but there is a whole range of possible outcomes, and i think you should explore them.
go talk to a nice, upscale, private adoption agency. go with a clear mind and just hear them. then wait a few days without actively thinking on it, and then see how you feel.
best of luck.
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