A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:please help. i am in a relationship which is so wrong. my partner is really hurting me mentally, physically and financially. we live together with our son who is 4 and im so scared he will turn out to be just like his dad. i know i have to leave, i really do, but i dont know how. if i asked him to go i know he will seriously flip out and trash everything. even if he did go, i cant afford to survive on my own, i dont work, i was the stay at home mom while he went to work and he pays all the bills even tho they are in my name. i am in serious debt because he wont pay council tax and has took out credit in my name and not paid it back. i am in such a mess and i just need someone to point me in the right direction.....can you help??thank you
View related questions:
debt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (9 May 2009):
 Ok - first thing, you WILL be able to survive on your own, because there is a huge amount of support, financial and otherwise, for women with children who end up on their own and need help. Please don't think you won't survive - you totally will. I know the safety blanket of the father, however mean he is, seems like something you can't do without, but actually, look at what your guy is doing: you are in debt, you have financial problems, you have things run up against your name by him - is that security? It so isn't. I know you know you won't go hungry while he is there, but you have chronic financial worry. Trust me, it certainly won't be any worse on your own, and most likely a heck of a lot better. You will also have peace and quiet and nobody will be able to disrespect you, which is what he is doing. And at some point you may well meet a truly nice guy - but to have that future, you first need to free yourself from this guy who is spoiling your life.
This is what I think you should do:
1. Is there anyone close you can talk to, who could help? Maybe your parents? Although they might be too emotionally involved - get too upset about you, and too cross about him. Maybe a sister or friend or something?
2. Ring the Citizen's Advice Bureau - make an appointment - go down and talk through all your options financially. They will tell you about all the support you can get.
3. Go to the doctor, if you have a nice supportive female one. If you don't, get one (ask around - find out who is thought to be a really nice docgtor who really cares). Go and see her and tell her about your situation - this is affecting your emotional health - it is a valid reason to go to her. Ask if she knows of any counselling or other support to help you have the emotional strength to get out.
4. Remember that when you are on your own, if you still want to be mom at home, you can be. You can work part time, only when your son is at school. You can work from home, or be self-employed in some way. You don't have to work full time. And you will get a lot of financial and other support.
5. I'm sure some of the people above will help you find someone to help you get out of this. You're right - you do need to - because life is just too short to waste being treated horribly.
Please take comfort from the fact that you so aren't the only woman in this situation, and lots of women have been through it and now are happy and ok. You'll do it, I'm sure. : )
|
